Re: certain photographs that may convey unwanted intimacy, unearned familiarity, which may then normalize those behaviors in a wider context in tango/social dance/milongas...Emilia raises a good point...click through to the commentary on the original post...
Emilia Kumpulainen
"I should have been clearer in my original post that I’m not blaming photographers for anything. I’m simply noticing that neck-grabbing seems to be socially accepted (tango photography being the proof), even though most leaders seem to dislike it.
I’m trying to understand this mismatch. Do I just have limited information within my own bubble, or is there simply a lack of conversation about it?"
Emilia Kumpulainen
Simon Kozma "Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I was genuinely curious about how a wider audience feels about this, and my intention was not to judge this gesture as something “inappropriate.” I certainly am in a tango 'bubble' of a younger generation, and I see that many of us (myself included) think, question, and challenge things differently - especially when it comes to personal boundaries and being more reactive to unwanted touch.
I can see that tango will change through this generation, hopefully in the direction of more sensitive verbal and non-verbal communication, rather than killing the emotion and passion of tango 
I also believe that intimacy in tango is something that develops slowly over time, through shared tandas and deepening trust. I imagine that the unpleasant experiences related to neck-grabbing often come from misjudging the level of connection - and for me and many others in my 'bubble', interpreting that kind of touch as something more sexual or suggestive."
Martin Ambaum
"May I answer from a male leader perspective?
I love that this comes from a women. Yea, I think that this is a bit like lowering your hand on the back of the women after the dance. The lingered embrace that comes from a great dance. The moment you just cannot let go to fast. A shared moment that turns into just a little bit of more at that moment. And if that is felt equally by both partners it feels ok, like belonging to that moment.
Problem arises in that a tango dancer can do at lot to let the other feel they are great, while having to work on that feeling for the dance partner. Especially the leader that can even tailer the step, better the whole movement/lead, to the follower. It the can feel heaven for one, but not for the other. Then this lingering, the extended intimacy feels natural for one and out of place for the other.
Then there is a different hand on the neck feeling. A feeling more like an intimate invitation for more. This one is like all relational flirting and treated like that.
And there is also another which is the equivalent of greeting a lot of good dancers when you arrive at the event: show me doing this. I can do this with this great dancer, we are so familiar. That is one that feels like a no, when it is not the case for me. Same for the men that great me clapping on my shoulder, where we hardly know each other.
But thanks for bringing this up. We be nice to make this here into a long list and for both men and women behavior!?
I kick off with:
-hand to high up the neck or even head.
-hand to low on the back almost or actually on the butt.
-to intimate into the others neck, some even resulting on lipstick on the collar. Or with a nose in your ear.
-caressing with the hand on the back.
-cat-like nesting into the embrace.
-putting arm to much around while almost touching breast...as a tall guy and the often slenderness of women in tango, that one leads to 'other arm/hand positions than optimal.
-singing so close to my ear.
So anything that isn't real harassment, but close to it and is something that you like or dislike depending on the person and moment."
Matthew Seneca
"Tango photography has too strong a grip on tango culture today, imo. Maybe festivals should have two dance floors: the “Instagram Floor” where a dozen photographers are stationed at every corner, and the “What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas Floor,” with no photographers allowed - this is where you would find me the whole night."
Veselinka Georgievska
"My 2 cents: if you are bothered how other people dance, look, feel while dancing tango, you're missing the whole point of tango.
Maybe I'm wrong, but only a beginner would care how she/he looks in front of the photographer (as you ate assuming people are acting).
I dance tango to get transported in another world when I close my eyes (in a close embrace) I surrender to the music, the partner and the moment. I'm not aware if my face is visible to photographer, if I leave a stain on his shirt ...I want to make myself and the embrace comfortable and (if the "click" happenes, the rest is history....And this may look terribly intimate from the outside (and it is , as giving trust to someone can be), but at the end of the tanda, I have no issue to wake up and disconnect from the partner . The good feeling mat last but that has nothing to do with sex, "other agenda" or anything similar.
Yes this is possible.
Do not try to understand others, try to understand what tango means for you as tango is what we make of it."
