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Some things I have learned from leading socially - From MsHedgeHog

Some things I have learned from leading socially Dec 23, 2017
A few things I have learned about dancing, by regularly dancing both roles socially for two or three years. My experiences may or may not be in common with anyone else.

There is a tremendous range between OK, good, and great followers, of which they are almost all totally unaware.

Leading poor followers is very difficult; it requires a range of skills, resilience, and physical training.

Leading OK followers is fun, especially if they are interested or enthusiastic and easy to be with.

Leading good followers is more fun, especially if, etc.

Leading great followers is amazing, and you don't feel like you have to do anything, and whatever you do do is totally effortless.

There are a lot more than those categories.

Don't bother raiding the cool guys' “harems”, they're disappointing, dance-wise.

In a good ronda, under good physical conditions, with good followers, leading is cognitively much less demanding than following. The difference is dramatic. Getting the basics to a good standard is quite a lot of work, but if you can do that and then stay within what you've mastered, good and great followers will dance with you, and it is effortless.

It is possible to flirt with the table of glamorous Dutch lesbians through the medium of another woman's body.

There exist men who are both hot and good followers. Hang on a minute –

Pseudo-cabaceos by Daniel Boardman and Michelle McRuiz

Taken and condensed from Daniel Boardman's and Michelle McRuiz' "From Bench Warming To Dancing In Thirty Seconds or Less: How to use cabeceo effectively"

The Bottomless Pit of a Tango Lead and the Path of EI2T2

Actually, I wish that I had come up with this concept, but since I'm not a follower, and not a lead who follows, that would be hard to do.

Irene over at Irene and Man Yung's Tango Blog came up with the concept of a lead that is full of holes - bottomless ones. Notice I didn't say "a lead who". Let's not make this personal. As a leader, I think I can say we have all been there - where the bottom drops out of our lead. A black hole of tango. Tango Not. A tango-naut thirty thousand feet deep in the blackness of the Mariana Trench. A tango knot, infinitely twisting in on itself, never to be untied.

I think what Irene and Man Yung are trying to say is that there is a difference between dancers who think they are "skilled", or worse "know" they are skilled (when they actually aren't) and those who are on the path of eternal improvement in their tango.

The ones who "think/know" they are skilled are the "Tango Dancers of High Repute" that Irene refers to. I would edit that to be "Tango Dancers of High Self-Repute".

Those on the EI2T2 Path (Eternal Improvement In Their Tango) (grin), recognize that sometimes their lead sucks - "a great big sucking noise" in the words of the infamous Ross Perot. Makes me wonder if Mr. Perot has, or will ever dance tango...? What a visual! But I digress.

Those on the path recognize the voids, the holes, the nothingness in their lead. They are painfully aware of those moments - generally few, but profoundly deafening and reverberating in the mind of said leader. Those on the path seek to fill those holes, and fill the deafening void with something. "Something". Perhaps even silence.

Fill a void with silence!? Wow. Now there's a concept. Filling the void of a lead with silence. Dancing the silence as el maestro Gavito said. I think that was him. I love it when a blog comes together.

Dance the silence. Master the nothingness in your lead. It's called "The Pause".

That's my two cents. Even if those two cents are down over there at the end of this other path of digression.

And dont' forget to check out Irene & Man Yung's post on "SKILL".

Thanks to Elizabeth and Mari both for saying something about this Irene and Man Yung post in their own blogs. It's funny and pertinent and poignant enough to spread the word and spread the post.

Skill and nothingness. Skill v. nothingness? Hmm. I love it when my brain ponders. When it comes to "skill", personally, I think I'd rather master the nothingness in my lead. With a five gallon bucket full of silence. The "less is more" minimalist approach.

On Tango :: Surrender through, not to...

I've been reading "Woman's Love, Man's Freedom" by David Deida off and on for many years now. The copy I have is spiral bound and dog-eared, pre-publication I believe. I think it may have been the precursor to his book "The Way of the Superior Man", but I can't be sure. I've been reading that one off and on now for many years as well. It seems I read all my books that way. Off and on. For many years.

So you've heard me talk about surrender before. Not so much surrender, but "The Surrender". *Not* submission and all that drivel. Some women seem to have it, some women don't. Some nail it on the first embrace of the first lesson, some take more time, some never...never. I was going to say never master it. Or never learn it. Or never get it. Or never do it. Or refuse and refute the concept. It's not a concept. It's a feeling. It's emotional. It's metaphysical. It's hard to say if it can be learned or mastered or taught or explained.

Deida did a good job in Chapter 3, 'Surrender Through, Not To'. As I was reading, it seemed he was talking about tango.

Here it is....intended for men and women, lead and follow...replace lover with follower or leader, and sexual with tango...I suppose...and also, you should understand that 'love' goes beyond romantic love...touched by true love as I have said before...the true, untainted, universal love of the universe...that thread of energy I like to call love...it has nothing to do with romance...that's a separate topic...okay, I digress...

Here it is...

Practice surrendering not to your own fears, nor to the demands of another, but directly to love. Do your best to feel through you own resistance as well as your lover's. Behind all resistive emotion is the motive for love. The desire to give and receive love underlies every emotional action and reaction, including hurt and anger, in yourself and in your partner.

Whatever the emotion - anger, fear, closure - feel through it, breathe through it, relax through it, into the love which lies behind it. And then, actively, surrender to that love. Open as that love. Magnify love by loving.

True sexual and spiritual surrender is not about adapting yourself to what will appease your partner. Nor is it about surrendering to your own momentary emotional needs. True surrender is about relaxing through these secondary needs, both yours and your partner's, and magnifying the primary desire to give and receive love.

I sit here, and wonder, is tango simply a vehicle, a method, through which two human beings can bi-laterally give and receive love? Three minutes. Immersed in the music. Immersed in love? Is that what makes tango so powerful?

I wonder.

When a man "out embellishes" a woman

First, thanks to TangoPilgrim for finding this one. There are a few things I like about this performance/demo. Like Pilgrim, I like the vals - Se Fue by Lucio Demare. I like that it is being danced in Sunderland - there's something cool/funky about dancing tango in a basketball gymnasium. I like that there are no baggy pants being worn in the video. I like (to think) that there are very likely no baggy pants in the entire building. I like that the style is salon/close embrace mas o menos. I like the dance, just dial down the jazz, if you ask me.

What I don't like is that he is "out embellishing" his follower. I read this tonight - something Daniel Trenner said - "The man's job is to let the woman dance."

Let's not forget this fellers. It's not about us or our steps or our figures or our patterns or our moves or even our lead.

It's about the woman - dancing her and letting her dance.

She's there, in your arms, to dance and have fun and feel beautiful.

Make it so.

BE the tango you wish to see in the world.

There is a beautiful woman in that video...you may have missed her...

Tango One Liners :: #0001

Photo by Alex.Tango.Fuego

For followers, there is really nothing to remember in tango. This is an acknowledged gross oversimplification.

But, there are three primary things to remember, with every fiber of your being, remember without thinking, ingrained in your heart and soul...

Numero Uno :: Commit
As in commit to one foot and only one foot at a time...commit to 100% of your weight being on that one foot...unless you feel a lead to do otherwise...

Numero Dos :: Collect
Collect your now free, relaxed foot/leg, right up next to the active foot, the one carrying your weight, the one 'working'...think in terms of 'ready relaxation' and/or 'controlled flaccidity' with the free leg...but don't think...

(there are all kinds of stylistic things with regard to collecting, but for brevity, I won't go into...)

Numero Tres :: Wait
Wait for the lead. Don't anticipate. Don't think. Feel the music. Feel the lead. Listen to the music. Listen to the lead. Wait. Wait for the lead.

Numero Cuatro :: Surrender
The 'surrender' is a difficult one to verbalize. It's not submission, it's permission. Give me permission to control your axis in space and time. By your leave, allow me to control the placement of your feet on the dance floor. Surrender yourself to me to be led. Give yourself to me. Trust in me that I will protect you on the dance floor. Trust in me that I will not lead you beyond your experience.

This was more than three things and more than one line, but you get the point - short and sweet - and hopefully helpful to both followers and leaders who are learning - or have forgotten.

Make this your new mantra - Surrender :: Commit :: Collect :: Wait

Plus, I figger I'd better write ~something~ about tango once in a while.

Nuevo Hand Forms

Korey and Mila
Originally uploaded by mariongreenwood

What I call the 'waiter with a tray', with the palm anything less than vertical in the "Y" axis, although usually more horizontal than Korey's hand in this photo, is a Nuevo-esque anomaly/influence, in my opinion...

I hate to continue the whole traditional v. nuevo debate...but hey, what can I say? I am an admitted purist.

I'll even throw a little gas on the fire. If your hand is less than vertical, okay, I'll give you a few degrees.... if you are holding your left hand more than 15 degrees off of vertical (in the "Y" axis), then you are dancing NUEVO, which makes you a Nuevo Dancer!!!

(grin)

Have at it my nuevo friends...

Hand Forms :: Ney & Jennifer

passioned embrace
Originally uploaded by leone.

Palm vertical in the "Y" axis, rotated toward the leader's face in the "X" plane...

I rest my case...

Photo by Leone...

Hand Forms :: pablo veron e lorena ermocida

pablo veron e lorena ermocida
Originally uploaded by leone.

AHA!

Pablo's palm is vertical in the "Y" axis, and rotated slightly toward his face in the "X" plane...

Just like mine!

(grin)

Photo by Leone...

Hand Forms :: appassiunatamente

appassiunatamente
Originally uploaded by leone.

Photo by Leone...

Handforms :: Tete' Rusconi

tete' rusconi
Originally uploaded by leone.

Photo by Leone

Actually when this subject first cropped up in a tango forum/discussion list, and my hand position was referred to as odd/quirky, I did a little research and found that my hand form is very similar to the following dancers:

Tete Rusconi
Ruben Harbyamat
Gavito (when not doing a show) (deceased)
Dany 'El Flaco' Garcia
Osvaldo Cartery
Ricardo Vidort

Gustavo Naveira
Fabian Salas
Osvaldo Zotto
Omar Vega (deceased)

Ney Melo
Detlef Engel
Murat Erdemsel

I only found Julio Balmaceda's hand form to be different, leaning more towards the 'waiter with a tray' form...

All these guys are the examples from whom I draw inspiration...

I'm man enough to be open to the possibility to possibly admit I might be wrong, perhaps....or, it's always the leader's fault...

Because I complained about getting the "thumb guillotine" sometimes, where the woman grasps my thumb like a baby chimpanzee, even to the point of the tip of it turning bright red, and thought it was a follower axis/balance issue, where she was "hanging" on for dear life kinda thing...which I do more commonly get this with beginning followers...

I've been getting some feedback on the position of my left hand in this photo ::



I looked at all the photos I have of myself dancing, and my hand is pretty much in this position in all of them...okay, scratch the "pretty much"...

Here's the "excuse" I offered ::

98% of the time I get a "normal" hand situation with the woman, where her fingertips are up in the crook of my thumb and index finger, with my fingers lightly clasped around hers...this follower always does this (with me anyway)...there's another woman here who always does this, but lets her hand slide down to my wrist, which always feel problematic to me...

I was using the photo to illustrate my thumb position (in space) more than my hand position...usually my wrist is cocked back a bit, but not into the full waiter with a tray position, which is unnatural to me...

But, all that said, I will be more aware of what's going on in that department...


[more excuses before my full blown "guilty" admission}

But see, the guy in this photo has the same hand position [palm perpendicular to his body...mine is perpendicular or facing my face a bit], and she has sweetly slid her little soft hand up into the crook between his thumb and forefinger...that's what I get, or end up with, most of the time...

I don't know who the dude is, but he's gotta be good, and gotta know what he's doing, because he's dancing at Canning, right? (grin)



So, I'm man enough to be open to the possibility to possibly admit that I might be wrong about the position of my left hand, perhaps, maybe...and, that the thumb guillotine could actually be my issue, and not a follower issue...or, "it's always the leader's fault"...(grin)

I'm dancing tonight at the first milonga of the Fandango, so I'll pay attention to what's going on...and report back...

Check out Johanna's post on this subject (of my hand position), and the resulting commentary here....

A better look at my hand position...

My palm is somewhere between "facing my face" and "perpendicular to my body"...Heather's fingertips are hooked on the heel of my hand...

With a heavy head...

This just popped into my head because I happened across a YouTube video of one of the Seduced by Tango audition tapes. The guy was really sloping his neck forward.

Ya know the expression "heavy handed"? "With a heavy heart." "Don't be the heavy." "Heavy D."

We leaders need to watch out for being "heavy headed". The tell tale sign is the dramatically sloping neck - as if the leader is holding a bowling ball by his teeth (with a string or sling or something or other...it's the only heavy imagery I could think of...) and trying to keep his face vertical...not looking at the ground in other words...although that is a whole 'nother problem in and of itself...

I think it also comes from wanting to (or unknowingly) make contact with the follower's head. Ms. Hedgehog recently wrote about a variant of the forward slope - "the sharp incline to the right".

Neck straight (in the X and the Y axes)...head up...chin up...gaze to the horizon...like there is an invisible string supporting your head...

Here's Pablo Veron ::



Here's Adrian Costa ::



I'm focusing on the positive...the best posture, in my view. I'm sure you can find some good examples of heavy headedness on your own. Unfortunately, it's pretty common.