What if tango was like that? - Tango Argentino Festivals

From Dimitris Bronowski at www.tangoargentinofestivals.com

He raises some interesting questions and shines a light on a new mindset/concept. Well, not exactly new, but not something that is very prevalent, I don't think.

Be sure to click through to the post on his website and read the comments.

https://tangoargentinofestivals.com/postshare/what-if-tango-was-like-that/

What if tango was like that?

Last night I went out for tango, and something beautiful happened.

First of all, you need to understand that I don't dance so much as I used to.

Not because I don't like it.

My focus is on playing with my son when I am not working, and he is too young to join me at a night out.

But yesterday I felt this need to dance.

I was working all day long listening to tango music in parallel, and both my body and my mind was telling me it's time.

I kissed my son and wife goodnight and went to the TanGoLisboa weekend.

As usual, I didn't start dancing right away.

I gave myself time to absorb the music and the environment.

When I danced my first tanda, I was not in the mood for the usual conversation.

You know "where do you come from?", "how many days are you staying here?"

I simply asked:

-What do you like most about tango?

Silence.

She took a while to respond.

Who asks this kind of questions, right?

-Connection, she said.

We danced one more song.

-You didn't ask me "Connection with whom?", she said at the end.

I asked.

-With myself.

-Why?

-It is my active meditation.

-Why do you need it?

-It helps me grow.

Now I was intrigued. 

What if I kept doing that all night long?

What would I discover?

The next woman I danced with, simply said:

-I love to meet complete strangers, from anywhere in the world, and know that I have a language to communicate with them.

Beautiful, I thought.

I received many answers that night.

-Because tango shakes my soul, another one told me.

And then, it happened:

–To stay alive, she said. 

I won't share more about this conversation, it is too personal.

But it led to one of the deepest, most emotional tandas of my life.

Why?

Because I saw the soul of that person, and the healing power of tango.

-If you want to improve in tango, I said to myself, focus on using your dance to heal, to give joy.

When you put that as an intention, all answers become easier.

I watched this old tanguera sitting, almost all night long. 

At one moment a man looked at her, she smiled, ready to dance.

He walked closer to her, and and then he simply continued walking to dance with a woman a few steps behind her.

The old lady, who was already on the move, continued by grabbing a glass of water, to cover her misunderstanding. 

I saw her face turn sad.

It was not her age that made me take the following step, nor pitty.

She had the calmness that only people that have lived a full life have.

It was this simple realization, of the power of a simple embrace.

I went closeby, I looked at her.

She looked at me, and then looked down again.

I kept my gaze.

She looked again. 

And then looked down again.

Then she looked for a third time, full of disbelief.

I finally had time to smile back and move my head pointing to the dance floor.

A huge smile appeared at her face.

You might ask how the tanda went, if we danced beautifully.

To this I would say that it was a true joy, and that you are asking the wrong question.

We shared a moment, as humans, no matter our age difference, ethnicity, beliefs… and that's what matters.

I left this tanda happier, and I hope she did the same.

What if we all danced to spread joy and to heal?

How would a milonga look like in that case?

That's a milonga I wouldn't miss for the world.

That night I saw people that are passing through hard divorces smiling.

I saw a woman who is about to lose a person she loves and hasn't even had the chance to see yet, or touch its hand, to dance and let go. 

I saw people… connecting with people. 

Finding healing moments.

And I said to myself again:

-What if we were all dancing to heal and be healed?

-What if?

You need to know that my vision is to help tangueros and tangueras create meaningful moments in tango and moments of personal transformation.

For that reason, the last three months I work 10-12 hours per day, to help tanguer@s find free accommodation so they can afford going to more festivals and marathons to dance, find maestros they love so they can progress faster, find festivals they love so they can experience tango.

To do that, it is important to understand why people dance in the first place, and what can be done to improve everyone's experience.

And I could use your help. 

Can you share why you dance in the comments below? I want to know, it matters. Not just for you. Your answer might help many other people. Plus, I want to see YOU. Sharing your why, is where true connection starts. I shared my answer below.

P.S. If you feel more people should join this conversation, please share, the social media buttons should be somewhere around the text.

Sent from my iPhone

Somewhere between firming up and melting :: Terpsichoral Tangoaddict Thread

Me dancing with my teacher Heather (may she rest in peace) back in Aspen...



I copied and pasted this (the words/stuff below) into a Word document some time ago...looks like it's from Facebook...

On the subject of "the embrace" and the feeling of the embrace and mutual pressure resistance tension force meeting force and all that khynna stuff...

Personally, I like Catherine Young's comment....Tone without tension, melty but not flaccid, presence VS "resistance", awareness but not micromanagement, assertiveness without force, grounded while also buoyant...

I generally don't go back to followers who are "noodle-ey" and just not there, not "present"...I like to feel a slight bit of athleticism...

Rigoberto back in Aspen...we used "she's like a Ferrarri" to describe particular followers a few times...now, I've never driven a Ferrarri...but now I know what it feels like...(grin)


Terpsichoral Tangoaddict
April 22 at 10:22am · Edited ·
I was musing yesterday on a very simple, in fact rather commonsensical, but often forgotten aspect of tango teaching. (At least, I often forget it.) What you emphasize in your teaching or even your own dancing and practice reflects what you feel most dancers are lacking and therefore what is most important to correct.

My personal impression is that most less experienced/less skilled dancers feel too stiff and tense, that the leaders are too forceful, and the followers offer too much resistance -- and that most people don't feel sensual enough in the embrace. So I focus on encouraging people (and myself) to relax more, find the way of least resistance, the minimum effort necessary, do less (especially leaders), not micromanage the muscles and soften everything up.

But The Semite feels that most beginners are too unstructured, floppy and collapsed and will disintegrate into a heap of wet spaghetti if you blow on them. So he is always emphasizing maintaining a frame, keeping things toned, using a *small* amount of resistance, being clear and not under assertive, pushing off.

His language is all about firming up. Mine is more likely to emphasize melting. He stresses discipline; I talk about sensual enjoyment. These aren't contradictions, of course. The truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle. He just feels the steaks are so rare they are almost raw. And I'm more concerned that they might burn to a crisp. And often this is what is happening when teachers give you contradictory advice: they are trying to pull you away from the extremes, to keep you far from one pole or the other (and you need to stay away from both, both are equally distorting -- and, yes, you can be both collapsed and tense, in different ways and at different moments). The teacher's job is to try to guide you to where the lovely subtlety of the movement lies: that sweet spot in the middle.
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• You, Dierdre Nepa Black, Tina Marie Eaton, Mary Li and 84 others like this.
• 4 shares
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• Faith Lasts Yes, I think the truth is somewhere in the middle but I tend to drift more towards your approach...(I am not a teacher yet )
April 22 at 10:25am · Like · 1
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• Terpsichoral Tangoaddict Faith Lasts Actually, my partner doesn't often teach either. But, yes, this is partly a question of personal preference and you will take an approach with your own dancing even if you're not a teacher (you are always your own teacher).
April 22 at 10:26am · Like · 1
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• Anna Larsen Comparing to steaks is a new word in tango teaching:)
April 22 at 10:32am · Like · 1
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• Catherine Young Tone without tension, melty but not flaccid, presence VS "resistance", awareness but not micromanagement, assertiveness without force, grounded while also buoyant...
April 22 at 10:37am · Unlike · 15
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• Terpsichoral Tangoaddict Anna Larsen But appropriate here in Baires, right?
April 22 at 10:39am · Like · 2
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• Anna Larsen Totally:)
April 22 at 10:40am · Like · 1
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• Bruce Chadwick I think that what beginners do is just extremely varied. People who come from a ballroom background are usually too stiff, because the ballroom embrace is what in linguistic circles might be called a "faux ami" (false friend). On the other hand there are definitely some that flop around like loose spaghetti.

I think what happens on the beginner follower end is that there is so much stress about "did I do what I'm supposed to," that it results in a bunch of compensating behaviors. For some, it's to tense up in preparation for hearing that something went wrong, for others, it's to give up their poise and let the leader push them around and mold their steps as if they were a lump of clay being patted into shape. For others (a lot, in my experience) it's to try to memorize a figure that's being worked on, or - if that isn't possible - try to guess what the leader is going to do after a step or two.

Having followed a bit (albeit badly), I know that it's a very challenging nut to crack, since I was guilty of many of the same things, even though I supposedly know better.

(As an aside: I particularly feel for followers who get told "don't anticipate" constantly, because it's often hard to know that you are anticipating until something goes wrong. I pretty much never say "don't anticipate" to anyone, because what they need to hear is what *to* do, not what not to do (also, I might be doing something wrong too). Often times you are not consciously anticipating - it's just muscle memory coming into action. Leaders can usually get away with that, because muscle memory kicks in and then they can say "yes, that's what I was leading," but followers don't get as much slack for that, so there's no doubt that following is a high level skill, even for followers that aren't doing tons of embellishments or anything particularly showy.)

Of course the challenge with beginner followers is that most have to learn by dancing with beginner leaders, and that usually doesn't help much. Though a beginner follower with a more experienced leader will sometimes get floppy and let the leader push them around, figuring "this seems to work ok," not realizing how much extra work the leader has to do in that case. (You can argue that the leader should refuse to do that extra work, but often the path of least resistance is to put up with it and hope that a new partner comes soon).

Beginner leaders are also stressed about "did I do that right," along with "did I step on her" and (in some places) "is my melty embrace inappropriate for someone I just met, so maybe I'll stiffen it up so that it's more 'businesslike'". I think the compensating behavior for the leader does tend to be "let me try to micromanage everything." That's partly because leaders are very concerned about whether they forgot to do something, so they will tend to overdo things as they go down their mental checklist of what's supposed to happen. Ironically, this doesn't stop us from forgetting things, it merely encourages us to overdo the things we do remember.

As with followers, the challenge for the beginning leader is that he usually has to learn by dancing with beginner followers. Only when more experienced followers dance with a leader is it possible to realize that "she's perfectly capable of dancing her part without micromanagement, and in fact it tends to be better if you just let her do that." But then he goes back and dances with a beginner follower again and perhaps the grand epiphany no longer seems to work.

It sometimes amazes me that any of us (leader or follower) survive long enough to develop much skill. A testament to the human spirit, indeed.
April 22 at 1:08pm · Edited · Like · 20
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• Hans Peter Meyer A complaint I (sometimes) have is with follows who melt so much they flow through my arms. So I'm often encouraging "presence." But last night my best tanda was with a follow who felt as if she might melt through my arms, yet was entirely present - and delicious. No simple answers. Just complex learning, simple pleasures.
April 22 at 10:44am · Edited · Like · 9
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• Eva Vonesse I'm not a teacher, but eternal student and I agree, the sweet spot is in the middle.
April 22 at 10:52am · Edited · Like · 2
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• Bruce Chadwick I think a pasta metaphor is better. You want an embrace that's "Al Dente". You don't want an embrace that's floppy/watery, and you don't want an embrace that's crunchy. You want Al Dente.

You don't want an Al Dente embrace when you're with a squid, but that's a different story.
April 22 at 12:47pm · Edited · Like · 20
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• Dennis Loffredo Yes, this is why you should be careful who's hands you put your tango fate in! Don't take a few classes from every person who comes to town, or because someone has a big name, or won the mundial. Watch everyone, see what speaks to and inspires you, and then let them guide you, and trust their advice, build a long-term working partnership with that teacher whom you respect. It doesn't mean they have to be the most graceful, some older teachers can't move as well any more but have incredible information to share. But CHOOSE your teacher.
April 22 at 10:54am · Like · 12
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• David Phillips Both Bruce Chadwick and Terpsichoral Tangoaddict describe matters in a way that resonates with my experience (coming from a ballroom background) as leader and follower, and my thinking. I differ only in a matter of degree, in that it seems we too often see things as either/or, when really it's about applying the just right level of firmness/meltiness at the right times.

I've become a fan of quite small, highly targeted functional movement experiences/experiments/games (somewhat akin to Feldenkrais but more specific to tango) as a means for dancers to self-discover the range of possibilities, equipping them with understanding of the need to always be adapting - to the partner and to the movement requirements - in either role.
April 22 at 11:00am · Like · 4
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• Eva Vonesse I think learning both roles, leading and fallowing CAN be helpful.
April 22 at 11:05am · Like · 6
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• Christina Choong Hear hear Eva!
April 22 at 12:07pm · Like
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• Terpsichoral Tangoaddict Bruce Chadwick Almost no one here has come from a ballroom background, but, yes, I know what you mean! And I think the ""is my melty embrace inappropriate for someone I just met, so maybe I'll stiffen it up so that it's more 'businesslike'" is a very American concern. Puritanism is not dead.
April 22 at 12:43pm · Like · 6
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• Bruce Chadwick Yes, I'm speaking from a US context, where it's more common to have beginner dancers who have done ballroom dance previously, and where the standards of what constitutes appropriate touching are often exceedingly unclear.
April 22 at 12:46pm · Edited · Like · 3
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• Suzanne Doyle Tango dancers of many years training are still trying to find the "sweet spot" of this dance of contradictions. It becomes a lifetime pursuit.
April 22 at 12:51pm · Like · 7
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• Andrew Gauld Beginners tend to have firmness and looseness in the wrong places so they can be both too firm and too loose at the same time. And most of the things I've heard teachers say, in attempts to fix these problems, have made them worse. I wish I could claim, like Fermat, to have a truly elegant solution to this (which would, of course, be too large to fit in the margin of this book), but I don't.
April 22 at 5:17pm · Like · 3
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• Terpsichoral Tangoaddict Jonathan Descheneau and Daniel Helfrich: Sorry, guys, but you know the house rules. Discuss it in a PM, please. Abrazos!
April 22 at 9:20pm · Like
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• Barbara Kottmayr
Yesterday at 3:08am · Like · 1
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• Joanne Zhou Let them(us) find their body before start correcting.
Yesterday at 7:50am · Like · 1
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Connection and The Power of Vulnerability

Good stuff in this one. Very good stuff. Poignant, in that I am one of the ones with vulnerability issues, which I have been unaware of, or numb to, until watching this. Interesting how things we need to hear and discover about ourselves come along http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifjust in the nick of time...

Here's the TEDx intro: Brene Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

http://www.brenebrown.com/

I find my tango bliss

"I find my tango bliss in a place far deeper than a dance, in a place far beyond the music or the surroundings or the people watching, in a place of pure energy between two exquisitely matched dancers and the music, that perhaps I can never explain."
[Sally Blake aka Sallycat aka Sallycatway]

Me too.

Tango trance or whatever

I've been pondering the connection this morning. Many (most?) people think of the physical connection when 'connection' is mentioned. I'm talking about the connection beyond the physical connection. The feeling. Not the physical feeling, but the emotional. Calling it emotional doesn't even describe it. It goes beyond the physical/tactile. It goes beyond the psycho/emotional. It goes beyond thinking. It's what happens when the two partners don't think, and are not aware of the tactile connection. Tango trance. Tangasm. Tango bliss. Whatever.

Here's the crux. I've been thinking about it this morning, listening to the wind blow and watching the cedar trees sway. Watching the squirrel hold onto the bird feeder for dear life, swinging in the wind - and thinking that there is no way that this can occur in a purely open embrace.

I know for a fact it has never happened when I dance in this mode, which happily is rare. The more I ponder it, deeply, using my best analytical and deductive reasoning, I don't see how it can happen with others who dance exclusively open embrace. Open embrace and nuevo dancers always defend this - and say that they do feel it. They say that they have experienced the tango trance in open embrace - but I just can't get there. I can't wrap my mind around how this is possible.

I just don't believe it. That's not to say I have a problem with open/nuevo. It is what it is - and many folks prefer it - but it ain't close embrace. I can't help but feeling a little bit sad for the multitudes of people who will never experience the full depth of what tango has to offer.

On the subject of nuevo tango :: a more intellectual connection?

Some guy on Tango-L today said that nuevo tango (note my passive aggressive use of lower case) involves a "more intellectual connection".

He didn't outright say "a more intellectual connection than traditional Tango", but I will take it as imnplied. A veiled insult against my intellect. Well, the intellect of us all.

I think I know what he was trying to say, that somehow nuevo requires/involves more thinking/real time analytical processes during the dance.

And that, my friends, is the difference between the two forms. The perfection of the perfect connection comes when there is no conscious thought. It comes when two people are absolutely there, in the moment, with the music and each other and nothing else.

It's sad that so many people will never experience this.

So don't get me wrong, although I am most definitely an AT purist, I am still in a "live and let live", "no judgement", "it's all good" tolerance mindset with regard to nuevo, but I'm with my new friends Jorge* & Mrs. Red Dress when they say (my paraphrasing) "it ain't Argentine Tango..."

Everybody knows this, right?

here i am
Originally uploaded by leone.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she was telling me about a guy who is teaching now with his partner. I used to call him "Rico Suave", but that was before I knew him. He's actually a really nice guy - a kid really.

My friend had danced with him at a milonga and was talking about the lack of connection with him. She attributed it to the fact that his dancing is all about him. His steps, his sequences, his embellishments, the way he looks. She can feel that he is focused on himself and his dancing and not her. He's dancing with himself.

It struck me after our conversation that everyone (leaders - especially beginners) might not know this - that this will screw with your tango - it's the me/ego mindset.

Tango is all about the woman. It's about making her feel good and safe and making her feel beautiful and special in those nine minutes on the floor. Leaders have to focus on the "her" and the "now". Her. Now. This moment. This connection. This dance. This tanda.

Focus your thoughts and energy on her. Think about her feet, not yours. Think about what you want her feet to do. Beginners have the disadvantage of having to think about steps and sequences and weight transfers and the minutiae. Being able to think about her will come, in time. Try it some time though, even if just for a minute of one song. Focus your thoughts and energy on her. See how it feels.

For me, when I realized this a couple of years ago, and when I was able to manifest this all the time in my dance, it was a breakthrough. A defining moment. An epiphany.

Sometimes we forget about the basic, underlying principles, and just have to be reminded.

Pure Love

When you are touched by pure love, it can be overwhelming. It can stop you in your tracks and perhaps even bring you to your knees. I won't delve into the details, because they are personal/family related. I just wanted to share this...that I touched pure love today, or it touched me. It's a beautiful thing. It makes one feel so very alive. Alive and well and full of hope.

I was actually thinking about this concept as it relates to tango about two weeks ago. You all should know by now that I have a special interest in the metaphysical aspects of tango - the "secret" of tango that everyone finds so elusive and difficult to explain. That quality of tango that addicts and obsesses us and makes us long for our next dance.

I have said before that I believe those rare and really special connections - the tangasm or the tango trance (whatever you prefer to call it) - that I believe it is when two energetic souls embrace. The energetic soul being the true you - the being within - not the physical/ego you. Your true essence.

Take that a bit further, beyond the energetic embrace itself, into the quality of what "it", this energy, actually "is".

I think it is pure, quintessential love.

Okay, here we go :: Fuck Me Back...revisited...

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Now for the adults...

There is a thread on Tango-L right now about "Follower Expressiveness". I'm teaching a beginner woman right now and it's been challenging to explain the more nebulous elements of following. "It's not about being submissive", I explain. "It's surrendering, but not submitting." "It's meeting energy with energy." "Not trying to resist that energy, but accept it...greet it...with your own ...." Blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so it's impossible to explain/teach a feeling. It's also impossible to teach a woman how to "properly" surrender in tango. Either they have it or they don't. They can acquire it more and more over time I think, but I have also danced with a first day beginner who nailed it in the first six seconds and a 12 year dancer who didn't yet have it.

Tom Stermitz said this on Tango-L...about the followers in Buenos Aires...that they are "oh-so-adaptive" yet at the same time "oh-so-alive". He mentions the myth of "just following" - I will say it this way - "just doing nothing". We all know that followers DO NOT, by any stretch of the imagination - "do nothing". It's difficult (and important) to make sure beginning followers do not see it this way.

I have been thinking more about my post "The Perfection of the Perfect Connection". In it, I asked the question "Is it what she is thinking about, combined in the metaphysical soup between us - intertwined with what I am thinking about?"

I want to delve into this further by talking about making love. I feel this is the best analogy for the purpose. Plus, I am horny these days and it's pretty much all I think about, besides tango.

First, I want to unequivocally state that I am NOT equating dancing tango with making love. There are already way too many societal mis-perceptions about tango being "sexy", "sensual", "hot", "torrid" and all that. Which, it can be, at times, but that's not really what it's all about. Some of my readers in Russia mis-interpreted the last time I wrote something about this - that dancing tango was like having an orgasm. They completely missed the point - but I think it was a language barrier thing. (I love Babel-Fish.)

So here we go...for the faint of heart...this is your last chance to turn back...

I've been thinking about what I think about when I dance tango - what "we" all think about when we dance tango. And, no, I do not think about making love when I dance tango - that's not where this post is going. I remember the days when it was all I could do to think about the next single step.

I definitely do not think about "the market", or paying the bills when I dance. I hope my followers are not thinking about coloring their hair or running errands tomorrow or getting rid of the chairman of the board or plasma physics or whatever.

What do we think about when we make love? Not when we fuck, but when we make love. Fucking is the throw down, the doing it on the floor of the kitchen, the tipsy return from a night out on the town, the rug burns on the knees kinda sex. I'm talking about making love. Sweet, soft, warm, tasty, deep. Spiritual.

You know how when you are "in love" with someone, the sex seems so much better? For me, it can be mind blowing (okay, "has been" - past tense in the love department). When I look deep into a woman's eyes, while I am deep inside her, literally and figuratively - that feeling is indescribable. The physical sensation, combined with the metaphysical/spiritual, topped with the chocolate sauce we call "love" - man oh man - hopefully most of you know what I am talking about.

For me it is this - when I make love, it is not about my physical pleasure - it is not about my orgasm. I have checked that "end unto itself" at the door. Sure, I know it is in store for me, perhaps, but that is not my primary objective. The woman I am with is. Her pleasure is. Being with her is. The warm softness of her skin and her hair. The ecstacy of the act itself. All I think about is her. Caressing every inch of her body with my lips as I explore. Kissing her lips. Kissing that flat spot on her cheek right in front of her ear (my favorite). Kissing the sweet spots. Tasting the tasty spots. I'm not ticking off a list of techniques or methods in my head. I'm with her. I'm present. We are together. It's about two human beings coming together to share each other physically and metaphysically. To share an experience together.

And sure, lovemaking does not happen this way every time. Both parties have to be there - they have to be "on". They have to be thinking the same thing, feeling the same feeling. My goal is her pleasure, her goal is my pleasure. Energy meeting energy. If a woman is not there - and is "just there" - laying there - while the man does what he needs/desires to do - it's not the same. It's simply a physical release. It can work the other way too. Granted, it's rare, but the man can just lay there watching the football game and let the woman have her way.

The crux is this - when she "fucks me back", when she makes love to me "back", that's when the carnal ascends to another level.

That's when the connection ascends to another level - when that energy is there, and it's mutual energy. Symbiotic energy. Follower and leader are mutual and equal partners. I don't want to go much further than this - just that I think it's an energy thing. It's the focus of the leader's energy and thoughts. If a leader is 100% focused on the follower's experience - being "in the moment" - this moment, this song, this dance, this floor. Focused on her pleasure and enjoyment - her "fun". But the reverse must also be true, she must be focused on him. 100%. His pleasure. His enjoyment of this dance with her. Their mutual enjoyment of this brief time together.

I think this is a huge key in the quest for the perfection of the perfect connection. Mindset, energy, attitude, focus. All shared with another. The person in your embrace. It may be THE key.

Tango is not "just" a dance. Most definitely not.

Atlanta Tango Weekend :: Part II :: The Perfect Connection

"Followers who know how to follow and feel good doing it."

This was the last sentence of my prior post so I will continue with that thought.

What exactly is it that makes some followers "feel good" and some followers feel "not-so-good"? (This is from my perspective as a leader, but is also true for followers - some leaders feel good, and some don't...)

Is it some elusive nebulous quality?

Is it the experiential/intellectual? Is it her years of tango experience - what she has learned and what she knows how to do?

Is it quantum physics - what she is thinking about, combined in the metaphysical soup between us - intertwined with what I am thinking about? Is it how her/my day went, how her/my week is going, how her/my life is going?

Is it the visual stimuli - the way she looks? Her body type? Her figure? Do I have to find her attractive for this feeling to work? Is it what she is wearing - perhaps showing a little skin in a few of the right places?

Is it chemically induced - whether or not she is drinking wine tonight or just took a Xanax or is on Prozac or Zoloft? Or could it be the olfactory sensory stimuli that I recieve and react to - the smell of her hair, her skin, her b.o.? Or the reverse - her reactions to my scent(s)? Maybe it's some kind of pheromone thing.

Is it the way she feels - the tactile? Is it how she feels when I embrace her - the multitude of physical sensations - the brush of her hair against my arm, the feeling of her hand in my hand, the feeling of her breasts smashed against my chest, the feeling of her cheek or forehead against me? Is it the flutter of her heart that I can detect against my skin?

Is it because she knows how to relax? Is it the energy of the venue, the room, the other dancers, the feel of the floor beneath our feet? Of course it is the music - it is always the music. Is the alignment of the planets - the moon and the stars?

Is it because she knows how to surrender?

I think it is all of these things, combined into one single moment of union with another human being. At the risk of seeming silly, I don't think George Lucas was too far off when he wrote of "The Force" in the Star Wars movies. "The Force is strong with this one."

Is it a synchronicity with the life force, everything that binds us together individually and collectively? The force that binds and drives everything in the universe? The rotation and the orbit of a planet. What of a water droplet that falls from the sky and lands on a leaf in the Amazonian rainforest, and then wends its way through the global hydrologic system - nurturing and nourishing plants and creatures?

That force - the perfection of nature and the universe. The perfection of the human body, mind, soul, psyche. The joys and the horrors of the human experience and all its machinations, trials and tribulations, trappings and travails.

The perfection of the perfect tango. The perfection of the perfect connection.

All I know is that I know it when I feel it. And when I don't.

Stay tuned for Part III.

Sin Titulo

This is from La Tanguera on her blog...verbatim...it goes to my earlier post
On Connection, Quality vs. Quantity and Learning to Feel *It*

As I've learned and moved ahead on my "Tango Road" over the last 3-4 years, I have also become gradually more selective regarding who I dance with. The reason is simple: it is more likely that I will have a blissful Tanda with those leaders with whom I have already developed a good connection, have similar sensibility to mine and are skilled enough to interpret the music and really dance. But, recently, the words of a Tango Teacher and the observation of a really good Tanguera in my community have made me wonder...

Could I, by being selective, lose my ability to connect?

Hum. *That* is a thought.

So, now you'll ask me: OK, Tanguera; How did you even come up with *this*? After all, prefering Quality versus Quantity is a sign that one has evolved enough to truly value the connection and the quality of the dance. No?

Well, Yes. Or so I have been thinking so far... In fact, I will admit to the fact that it can be quite hard for me to dance with some people, not so much because of their actual skill level (although in some cases it can definitely cause trouble), but because of their emotional understanding of the music. To me, it is important that we both are in the same wave, that our sensibilities are compatible--that the intensity which we feel the music is similar, that it is natural for us to move with more dynamic energy at one point, or slow down at another. This sense of emotional connection and telepathy is what can make this dance such a powerful encounter.

But I'm starting to think that being too selective in choosing the leaders I dance with also entails the following risk: that I am putting *my* sensibility and understanding of the music as a benchmark of what it *should* be, instead of giving myself the opportunity to understand the *his* sensibility, even if completely different from mine. Taking things to an extreme, it means that I'm actually prefering to stay in my comfort zone--dancing mostly with those who interpret the Tango World like I do--rather than venturing on a trip to a very strange and unknown place, which I may not understand at first, but that I may eventually come to value and enjoy. Moreover, as I stay farther away from those people who seem harder for me to understand, it is likely that it will also become more difficult for me to open up to them.

There is a Tanguera I know who seems to have mastered this ability to open up I am talking about. She is regarded as one of the best dancers in my community, and yet she is one of the least "choosy" followers I've ever seen. Watching her, I am amazed at how she moves seemingly without any trouble from dancing a Tanda with a visiting Tango Teacher or a Hot Shot to dancing the following Tanda with a mediocre leader with poor musicality. The surprising thing for me is that she seems to enjoy it every single time. And I don't think she is pretending, because she dances with that same mediocre leader at the next week's Milonga. So, she must be onto something there.

Quite frankly, I had always been a bit puzzled by her seemingly odd choices, until I had a discussion on connection with my Tango Teacher during a private lesson. He commented that, in his view, one of the best exercises to learn how to connect was to dance with more people, even if they were not regarded as "good" dancers, and the emotional understanding of the music was less than perfectly compatible. He argued that it was possible to learn to enjoy a dance with almost anyone, if one focused on paying attention to them and listening to what they were trying to say.

To be honest, I was quite skeptical about how much I could ever enjoy dancing with someone who is in a completely different mental wave than me about the music, technique issues aside. And still, watching this Tanguera in action, I have to admit that perhaps there is some truth in all this after all. While I am still convinced that there must be limits to it, maybe one can really learn to open up even beyond what we are willing to think possible. And, perhaps, giving ourselves this chance can take us to some beautiful places we would have never seen otherwise.