"Dancing Argentine Tango Socially. A Talk on Milonga Codes", by Josefina Bermudez & Fabian Peralta

How To Cabeceo And Mirada In The Milonga And Why - Edinburgh Tango Society - Rita Horne - Jessie Kennedy

 https://edinburghtango.org.uk/story/how-to-cabeceo-and-mirada-in-the-milonga-and-why-2540

By Rita Horne & Jessie Kennedy

When the cabeceo and mirada are employed by everyone in the milonga it creates a wonderful possibility for tango leaders and followers to find, connect and dance with everyone in a respectful, kind and efficient way.

What is a tango ‘leader’ and ‘follower’?

Leaders and followers are simple terms to describe the two dance roles in a tango partnership. Tango is an improvised dance. The leader role suggests or ‘leads’ the dance. The follower role ‘follows’ or responds and plays with the leader’s suggestions. The leader dances on the music and the follower dances ever so slightly behind the middle of the musical note.

Where do the words ‘cabeceo’ and ‘mirada’ come from? 

In Spanish, the word ‘Cabeza’ means ‘head’ and, therein, the word ‘Cabeceo’ refers to the ‘nod of the head’. The cabeceo is the traditional way for a tango leader to ask someone to dance in the milonga. The Spanish word ‘Mirada’ means to ‘look’ or ‘gaze’. This is the tango follower’s way of showing a particular leader that he/she is interested in dancing. In our modern times, the cabeceo and mirada can both act as a way to initiate an invitation to dance.

Why do we use the cabeceo? 

This is the most respectful way to ask someone to dance without placing them, or yourself, in a socially public and possibly uncomfortable situation. The person you are asking is able to accept or decline discreetly without feeling forced or cornered. Equally, the person asking knows that the person accepting actually wants to dance and hasn’t accepted out of social obligation. Consider the scenario where a follower has just finished dancing a tanda and wishes to rest. If a leader then approaches that follower and asks for a dance, in front of everyone, that follower is publicly forced to either accept out of social obligation and not necessarily because he/she wants to dance, or decline, therein, causing a scene and possibly embarrassment on both sides. Without the cabeceo, a leader cannot be absolutely certain that their partner truly wants to dance. Would you really like to spend a whole tanda dancing with someone who doesn’t really want to dance with you? Dancing tango requires an element of trust in your partner. By inviting and accepting using the cabeceo and mirada a couple establish eye-contact which is one of the most powerful ways to build trust. Both dancers know with certainty that their partner wants to dance with them and this connection is carried forward into their dance together. One of the most wonderful reasons for using the cabeceo is because it creates an open forum with unlimited opportunities for everyone to dance with everyone. A dancer is not reliant on knowing people or limited to only dancing with friends and associates. Strangers can ask and accept invitations to dance. Dancers can truly explore and enjoy dancing with everyone. Also, imagine if there were hundreds of dancers in a milonga and then imagine if everyone had to walk around, stumbling through the crowd, in order to physically approach and ask the person they wish to dance with. The milonga would be utter chaos. Certainly, it would be a time-consuming, exhausting process to get a dance. The cabeceo allows numerous dancers to ask and accept quickly and discreetly from across the dancefloor. If declined, a leader still has time to ask someone else.

As a leader, how do I ask someone to dance using the cabeceo? 

Place yourself in a position that is visible to the follower you wish to ask. Catch their eye and indicate with your eyes and any appropriate facial expression the question ‘do you want to dance’.

As a follower, how can I use the mirada to suggest to a leader that I want to dance with them? 

Choose the dancer you would like to dance with. Try to catch their eye and indicate with your eyes, with a smile or anything else that you are interested in dancing with them. If that leader wants to dance with you too they will cabeceo you. Equally, be mindful of how you appear. Sit or stand in a place where leaders can easily see you. If you want to dance, be aware of your body language and make it clear to everyone around you that you DO want to dance. For example, sit up in your chair, put your phone away, look interested in the music and dancing and be open to being cabeceo’d. Smile!

How do I accept a cabeceo? 

Nod your head and smile to confirm you accept the dance. Stay seated or in your position while maintaining eye-contact. Wait for your leader to approach you to escort you to the floor.

How do I decline a cabeceo or mirada? 

If you notice that someone is trying to catch your eye, but you don’t wish to dance with them, try not to make eye contact and turn away to make it discreetly obvious that you are not available.

What happens if I accidentally make eye-contact with the wrong person? 

If you do make eye-contact, show no reaction and quickly look away to indicate to that person that you are looking for someone else.

What should I do if my cabeceo or mirada is rejected? 

If you sense that the person you are looking at is aware of you, but is looking elsewhere, then move on to another dancer and maybe try that dancer another time.

Why would someone decline my cabeceo or mirada? 

There are many reasons why someone might decline your cabeceo. They may not like that music or style of tanda, or, they may want to rest for a while. Perhaps they were hoping to dance with someone else, and, it’s true, they may just simply not wish to dance with you right now. And that’s ok! It doesn’t matter. Don’t waste time and energy worrying about this. Move swiftly on to find someone else to dance with.

Do I really need to cabeceo my friends? 

Yes. Of course. Your friends also deserve your respect and the option to decline your invitation. Your friends are not obliged to dance with you just as you are not obliged to dance with them.

Conclusively…

The cabeceo and mirada are fun! If you haven’t already give it a try next time you go dancing.

★

Subject: Opinion / Etiquette

Published: 5 September 2022 by Rita Horne

Credits: We created this wonderful photo at our beloved Counting House Sunday milonga during a cortina. A great many thanks to our outstanding models, friends and local dancers in the Edinburgh tango community. From left to right: Teo, Fiona, Piotr, Alastair, Sarah, Yavor, Agnietė and Emilia.

Newsletter: Why cabeceo and mirada? Milongas coming up this week!

Co-Author: Rita Horne

Co-Author: Jessie Kennedy

Rules of the road :: Felipe Martinez:: SF Tango Marathon

RULES OF THE ROAD

Treat each other with COURTESY and RESPECT. We may have different styles, opinions, values in tango (and elsewhere), but we all share the same passion.

Invitation: Use CABECEO. Followers, be proactive. Leaders, be clear with your intention, invite with a nod and re-confirm before you approach the follower.

Entrance: Catch the eye of the approaching leader and receive acknowledgement before entering the floor. Merge smoothly and move with the flow of the ronda right away.

Flow: Move with the ronda - do not hold up traffic and do not overtake. If bumping, apologize even if it is not your fault.

Exit: Leaders, accompany the follows to their seats and CLEAR THE FLOOR after the tanda. This allows dancers to use cabeceo to invite a partner for the next dance.

Absolutely NO TEACHING on the dance floor.

Safety: Any harassment or abusive behavior is unacceptable. If you feel threatened, let the staff know immediately.

Sent from my iPhone

Tango Floorcraft Graphics Handouts Flyers PDF JPEG

This has been floating around in various edits/iterations for some time now. Original Concept/Design Credit goes to Dirk Apitz. Edits by AlexTangoFuego May 2018. Honoring the Line of Dance (long version, 2 pages) editing credit goes to Sugar G.

The impeccable floorcraft/Uncle Sam QR code link is here. Daniel Boardman - Albuquerque Tango Festival.

Figure out how to reach me and I'll send you the original high-res files so you can print, share, save, etc.

Discussion/comments/suggest edits/disagreement encouraged in the comments section.



Tango Floorcraft graphic pdf jpeg handout flyer
Tango Navigation
Tango Codigos
Tango Etiquette

#TangoFloorcraft graphic pdf jpeg handout flyer
#Tango Navigation
#Tango Codigos
#TangoEtiquette

Tango Codigos/Etiquette

How do you select a photograph that is illustrative of codigos/etiquette? You don't. So there's this. Sugar G's toes in some fake grass. Blurry.

I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here. Mark Word over at Tango Therapist has done a wonderful and comprehensive job of compiling pretty much everything you ever need/want to know about the subject of tango codigos and etiquette. Or codigos aka etiquette. Or codigos/etiquette. Or just fucking "Codigos". Not "fucking" codigos, that's a different subject.

http://tango-therapist.blogspot.com/p/tango-etiquette_10.html

There are a ton of other websites and information out there. Google.

Avail thyself.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: ALL VIDEOS

Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.











Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: PROHIBIDOS LOS BOLEOS ALTOS EN PISTA LLENA

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Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: PROHIBIDO DAR CLASE DURANTE EL BAILE

Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: PROHIBIDO DESCUIDAR EL ASEO PERSONAL

Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: PROHIBIDO HABLAR AL BAILAR

Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

Codes of Coexistence Among Milongueros :: CIRCULACIÓN OBLIGATORIA DE LA PISTA

Brought to you by Hector Villar of Hoy-Milonga.com

Hoy Milonga Facebook Page

Hoy-Milonga Mobile Apps here.

DEAR FRIENDS MILONGUEROS DE ARGENTINA AND THE WORLD !!! 🌎

🔥HOY🔥 We finally arrive at the last short of the milonguera and educational production of www.hoy-milonga.com "CODES OF COEXISTENCE AMONG MILONGUEROS"

🎁 For those who could not come, I tell you that this video we premiered with all the emotion of being all together, last Friday, November 10 at the unforgettable birthday party No. 5 of our site 🎊 Great party great jejeje🎈

We present the last two codes ⭕ "MANDATORY CIRCULATION IN THE TRACK" & also the most important and essential code of all for THERE TO BE GENUINE AND REAL TANGO ...
❤ "OBLIGATORY DANCING WITH THE HEART" ❤

With you, the beautiful people who made this possible: (THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND MORE THANKS FOR ALL WE WANT THEM !!!)

Retorted that go backwards on the track:

Atilio Veron Mi Refugio with
Susanna Pirjo Rapo (from Hoy Milonga)

And the Nadias of Hoy Milonga, Nadia Funes & Nadia Spens

"The" Master who comes to put order on the track, our beloved dancer, director, choreographer of a lot of tango and great heart ... Olga Besioooooo Olga Besio II Olga Besio Olga Besio

Master musicians who sweetened our ears and lit our legs !!!
Duet "Salvando las Distancias" Fernando Rezk on bandoneon and Miguel Barci on guitar

Milongueros dancing with all their hearts

Adriana Argentina Frossasco
Omar Viola
Martin Chili
Suyai Serpa
Manuel Gonzalez
Majo Marini
German Ballejo
Magdalena Gutierrez
Carla Tango Tango
Maria Oliva
Federico Piperno
Karin Dhadamus
Niv Sardi
Roberto Ubaldo Soto
Daniel Ricardo Adra
Natalia Peña
Tamara Valdivia Mio Tango
Susana Beia
Jorge Nelson Farias L
Noe Andino
Leonardo Salvador Guerra
Leonardo Chinchilla

*** If someone was missing, please let us know! Sometimes it can happen, we are many and there is a lot of work :)

💜 Thanks again everyone, everyone! For this beautiful experience, for having put the heart to all the filming, for the laughter, the jokes, for the endurance of always !!!! We hug them strong strong❤

💜 Thanks Doris Bennan, you were right "Los Laureles" has that thing that makes everything look spectacular !!!

Visual production: Colectivo Ladran Caravana a first class team, not only professionally but humanly, thanks Luz Balaña, Cristian and Jeremias Ferreri for everything, everything and for having come to premiere with us and to share a night that we will never forget 💜

Meet them! https://hoy-milonga.com/.../Buenos-Aires*...

THIS IS THE LAST OF THIS SERIES, BUT IT IS NOT THE END ... WE REJECT! 🔥

💜 FOR MANY MORE THINGS, ALWAYS TOGETHER MILONGUEROS 💜

THANK YOU UNTIL PRONTITO ...

#hoymilonga #prohibidohablaralbailar #codigosdeconvivencia #tango #ilovetango # la2x4








QUERIDOS AMIGOS MILONGUEROS DE ARGENTINA Y DEL MUNDO!!!🌎

🔥HOY🔥 LLegamos al fin al último corto de la producción milonguera y educativa de www.hoy-milonga.com "CÓDIGOS DE CONVIVENCIA ENTRE MILONGUEROS"

🎁 Para los que no pudieron venir, les cuento que este video lo estrenamos con toda la emoción de estar todos juntos, el pasado Viernes 10 de Noviembre en la inolvidable fiesta de cumpleaños Nº 5 de nuestro sitio 🎊 Gran fiesta gran jejeje🎈

Les presentamos los dos últimos códigos ⭕ "CIRCULACIÓN OBLIGATORIA EN LA PISTA" & además el código mas importante y escencial de todos para que HAYA TANGO GENUINO Y REAL...
❤ "OBLIGATORIO BAILAR CON EL CORAZÓN" ❤

Con ustedes, la gente hermosa que hizo esto posible: ( GRACIAS, GRACIAS Y MAS GRACIAS POR TODO LOS QUEREMOS!!! )

Retobados que van al revés en la pista:

Atilio Veron Mi Refugio con
Susanna Pirjo Rapo ( de Hoy Milonga )

Y las Nadias de Hoy Milonga, Nadia Funes & Nadia Spens

"La" Maestra que viene a poner orden en la pista, nuestra tan querida bailarina, directora, coreógrafa de mucho tango y gran corazón...Olga Besioooooo Olga Besio II Olga Besio Olga Besio

Maestros músicos que nos endulzaron los oídos y nos encendieron las patas!!!
Dúo "Salvando las Distancias" Fernando Rezk en bandoneón y Miguel Barci en guitarra

Milongueros bailando con todo el corazón

Adriana Argentina Frossasco
Omar Viola
Martin Chili
Suyai Serpa
Manuel Gonzalez
Majo Marini
German Ballejo
Magdalena Gutierrez
Carla Tango Tango
Maria Oliva
Federico Piperno
Karin Dhadamus
Niv Sardi
Roberto Ubaldo Soto
Daniel Ricardo Adra
Natalia Peña
Tamara Valdivia Mio Tango
Susana Beia
Jorge Nelson Farias L
Noe Andino
Leonardo Salvador Guerra
Leonardo Chinchilla

***Si faltó nombrar a alguien por favor avisennos!!! A veces puede pasar, somos muchos y hay mucho trabajo :)

💜 Gracias nuevamente a todos , a todos!!! Por esta hermosa experiencia, por haberle puesto el corazón a toda la filmación, por las risas, los chistes, por el aguante de siempre!!!! Los abrazamos fuerte fuerte❤

💜 Gracias Doris Bennan , tenías razón "Los Laureles" tiene esa cosa que hace que todo salga espectacular!!!

Producción visual: Colectivo Ladran Caravana un equipo de primera, no solo a nivel profesional sino humano, gracias Luz Balaña, Cristian y Jeremias Ferreri por todo, todo y por haber venido a estrenar con nosotros y a compartir una noche que nunca olvidaremos 💜

Conocélos!! https://hoy-milonga.com/…/Buenos-Aires*…

🔥ESTE ES EL ÚLTIMO DE ESTA SERIE PERO NO ES EL FINAL...RECIÉN ARRANCAMOS!!!! 🔥

💜 POR MUCHAS COSAS MAS, SIEMPRE JUNTOS MILONGUEROS 💜

GRACIAS HASTA PRONTITO...

#hoymilonga #prohibidohablaralbailar #codigosdeconvivencia #tango #ilovetango #la2x4

Chaos Theory of Floorcraft :: Part 2

Here is a flowchart/diagram diagrammatical grammatical graphical interface dance notation of every known perpetration and permutation of bad floorcraft, and the evasive/corrective maneuvers to compensate for being on the receiving end of bad floorcraft and also with all good floorcraft techniques and manifestations also illustrated...(this is a joke)

Artist unknown, and I don't know what his actually represents. Probably nothing. Probably just someone doodling.

I thought it was funny. In this context. Hilarious, actually.

I ran across the image whilst farting around and looking at this: Images extracted from the latter half of Choregraphie, a book first published in 1700 which details a dance notation system invented by Raoul-Auger Feuillet which revolutionised the dance world. Just out of curiosity.

Chaos Theory of Floorcraft Part 1 :: The Coolest Man Dancing Tango

Here's Murat Erdemsel at YoLaTango in Austin back in 2014. We miss our YoLaTango! That was always a great mini-festival! Scottish Rite Theater is a fantastic venue.

This video is actually Part 3 in his series - titled "Murat and Michelle Erdemsel at YolaTango 2014: Improve floor craft on tango dance-floors PART-3" (Scroll down to the bottom for Parts 1 & 2 - Part 2 is from YoLaTango as well...)

There's actually very little "meat" on the subject of floorcraft in this video - but I'm not complaining. Using humor, he pokes a bit of fun at leader (left) hand positions, what I've referred to on this blog as "hand forms". I'm not sure if I ever got around to writing the post about the guy I used to encounter with the "waving palm frond" hand form. Oh well. Bizarre hand forms don't piss me off like they used to. Approaching fifteen years in, I've matured in my tango, and hopefully I'm more Zen/Taoist about it. Although bad floorcraft still pisses me off.

Anyway...so for just over the first six minutes of the video Murat does a skit, although perhaps the better word is shtick, on hand form. Pretty good. Pretty funny. Michelle is his beautiful assistant. Too bad they split up. :(

Beginning at 6:25 in the video, he talks for the last two minutes on "the evolution of the coolest man dancing tango in the milongas", with a few subtle nods to practicing good floorcraft. He starts out with importance of the connection between the couple, their connection to the music, and then the connection of the couple to the dancers around them. It's also common now to hear talk (or read about) of all of the dancers in the milonga ultimately being connected to each other physically (through negative space) and dynamically, vs. energetically. A murmuration of starlings comes to mind, although humans are not nearly as perfect as Mother Nature provides. Not by a longshot.

So he makes a good point in this last part, that the "coolest man dancing tango" is "the man who inspires other men to want to dance behind him". Because he provides a safe space by practicing good floorcraft. The coolest man allows those safe spaces to open up in front of the dancers behind him. A very good point indeed. I never thought about it this way. Kudos to Murat for this.

The video description on YouTube also makes a few good points about floorcraft (aka navigation and all of the various elements that combine into the grand subject of floorcraft). That floorcraft is "the most boring subject in tango", which is probably true, because I don't think many teachers actually emphasize it enough in their classes. In my view, it should be touched on in each and every class, and focused on in beginner classes for the first three to six months of a dancer's path into tango. Ideally.

The second extremely important point: "how to follow the line of the dance or a responsibility that many men claim to fulfill but in reality they do not..."

And the final point: "For the sake of having an ultimate dancing experience for every dancer dancing with peace, respect and happiness while maintaining responsibilities."


Here's the full video description:

Murat Erdemsel speaking specifically about "evolution of the coolest man dancing tango in milongas".
It is one of the most boring subjects to study in tango; how to follow the line of the dance or a responsibility that many men claim to fulfill but in reality they do not.
Murat, and Michelle helping during his impersonations, finding ways to bring it to all men during the actual milonga and making it fun to listen. For the sake of having an ultimate dancing experience for every dancer dancing with peace, respect and happiness while maintaining responsibilities.


For the sake of good floorcraft.

For the sake of planting the seeds of good floorcraft.

How do we, as dancers, teachers, organizers, and communities promote and influence and manifest the practice of good floorcraft? Because it seems to fall by the wayside much too frequently, and we all end up having to contend with the perpetrations and permutations of bad floorcraft.

A final thanks to Murat (and Michelle) for this video, the video series, and for their contributions to and influences on the Austin Tango Community.

And to a big thank you to Elif and Marc - for the bravery to give "good floorcraft" center stage at a (mini) festival - a novel idea to have the visiting teachers do a class/presentation on it right before a milonga. This should happen more.

Afterthought...

It's not lost on me that the guys who think they are the coolest man dancing tango, dancing to impress themselves, dancing to impress their partner, or worse, dancing to impress others in the room, are most frequently the ones who are oblivious to the dancers around them, dancing without respecting them or the spaces around them, dancing too big for the milonga, and are generally oblivious to (good) floorcraft and the thoughtful and earnest practice of it.

None of those guys will ever read this.

Okay, now, really, finally, and for the record, here are the first two videos of Murat's series:

AirMilonga by OpenMilonga. Improve floor craft on tango dance-floors PART-1



More "meat" on floorcraft in this one, again before a milonga at YoLaTango (starting at the one minute mark), again using humor - the "four types of guys" - which we all want to be the Type 4 guy.

Murat and Michelle Erdemsel at YolaTango: Improve floor craft on tango dance-floors PART-2



And now, really finally lastly, as a reward to those of you who read and scrolled all the way down, here are Murat and Michelle dancing at YoLaTango 2014 to Pedro Laurenz' "Yo quiero cantar un tango" with Alberto Podesta singing...impeccable musicality...

Negative Cabaceo aka Saying No

From the website www.030tango.com - a Berlin, Germany based tango portal site...

Follower Wisdom from April Parker

Here's the text of her post:

There seems to be a misconception in my region (Atlanta/SE U.S.) surrounding the rules of engagement in milongas. I hope that an experienced dancer and teacher (ME) can shed some light on things for those of you who are confused and experiencing emotionally painful things in milongas. It can be devastating to get all dressed up, go out, and then sit all night watching everyone else have fun. It hurts because you think that maybe these other dancers don't think you're good enough. I've been there many times. And I had to get past myself in order to grow out of that time. These days it is RARE that I'm sitting out against my will.

LADIES/FOLLOWERS: You. Are. Not. Meant. To. Be. Passive. Why should you be? You can work, be breadwinners, vote, hold public office, and many other things. Why do some of you think that it has to be always the man's choice and decision to help you have a fun night of dancing? F*** all that! Cabeceo does not involve you sitting there waiting for somebody to ask you to dance with them. You should be CHOOSING the men/leaders you want to dance with! Go forth and use those eyes! Show them with your smile that you're interested in dancing with them. The leaders have a hard enough time getting the nerve up every time to ask people to dance with them, and I can guarantee many will be very delighted to see you clear a pathway for them to ask you back with their eyes, and they will know it's going to be an easy deal!

Sometimes they won't look back, though. This probably means NO. And that's ok! They also have the right to refuse- JUST AS YOU HAVE. You should NEVER turn against yourself by blaming yourself, and you should most especially NEVER turn it against them and call them snobby/elitist. Deflecting your pain onto others by blaming them is not the best way to have a good time in tango- for everyone involved. Most important thing to remember: you are not entitled to dances, period. Just because you're in the room does not mean people owe you a good time. That's your business to make a good time happen for you- not the other way around. And if good times still aren't happening, in spite of all your actions taken to mingle and meet people, and looking at partners to signal your desire to dance with them-and no one at all seems to know you exist- you've got to try to remain positive and remind yourself that NO ONE OWES YOU A GOOD TIME. Remember that from all that mingling, you've just made some new friends. And they very well may look to dance with you the next time you see them. That's not bad!

I have more that I'd like to share on this subject, but this post is already long- so I will save the rest of my thoughts for a later time. I just see the discussion happening around this week surrounding these subjects, and I feel the pain of those involved. And I want you to know that I've been there and I've gotten past that part. And I'm much happier now! I hope that my thoughts and experiences can help you also get past your pain. Please inbox me if you have questions- I'd really love to help those who desperately need to understand and want to enjoy instead of having bad experiences.

Please everyone- do not use this thread to argue your opinions on cabeceo. Or to argue at all. With all my love, I am reaching out to people who need to understand how to get past painful ruts in their tango journeys.

Love, April

And I KNOW how stinking long this post is, but I have to clarify one thing: IF YOU ARE IN A RUT AND YOU ARE FEELING BAD, READING BLOGS WILL NOT HELP YOU. Please call me, write to me, set up coffee date with me- just give me a chance to listen to you and help support you. You need help getting past this, and I want to help you.

XO

Pseudo-cabaceos by Daniel Boardman and Michelle McRuiz

Taken and condensed from Daniel Boardman's and Michelle McRuiz' "From Bench Warming To Dancing In Thirty Seconds or Less: How to use cabeceo effectively"

On Cabeceo

Hardisty
Originally uploaded by Matthew Nasholm

Photo of how *not* to cabeceo a woman...(grin)

Definition :: Cabeceo is the natural, normal, non-verbal communication using body language of the eyes/face/head to invite someone you know to dance, or at least let them know you're interested. The challenge is making it work with someone you don't know, at a distance, in a dimly lit ballroom, while she's trying to cabeceo someone who is not you, and three other guys are trying to cabeceo her.

At a recent tango event, the organizer said this during the (very long) announcements:

"Oh, and ladies, it's *okaaay* to ask the men to dance. After all, this *is* Austin, we're more relaxed here."

The audible thud was my lower jaw smacking the poorly jointed plywood floor. I couldn't believe it. An organizer, actually caught, publicly, in the act of spreading dis-information about Argentine Tango, counter-propaganda AGAINST the proven and decades-old codigo of cabeceo.

Here's a good post on cabeceo from Miss Tango. It's from the follower's perspective, dancing in Buenos Aires, but gives good leader insight as well. Be sure to read the comments as well.

Granted, in the U.S. use of the cabeceo is spotty at best. Ballrooms at festivals are large and dimly lit. I practice what I will call "recon" cabeceo. You can't do it sitting statically in the same seat all night. You have to get up and mingle. Get your water. Get your vino tinto. Chitty chat with friends. Strike up conversations with women you don't know.

In short, you have to "work the room". Keep in mind that I am not the type who is at the milonga to dance every tanda or every follower. I'm into quality over quantity. If you are always on the dance floor, even during cortinas (another BIG no-no...BIG), the principles of cabeceo become less applicable to you.

Also note that cabeceo'ing someone while you are both on the dance floor, or one of you is on the dance floor and another is not, is also a big no-no. No, no, no, no, no, no. (Imagine my inflection.)

I once danced with a woman who I could discern was scanning the horizon for leaders behind me. When I mentioned to her friend that I was put off by it, the friend told her, and she said "he could tell that?". Yes I could, dearest. At the time I said I would never dance with her again (her friend didn't tell her this, I don't think), and this is highly likely. I may give her once more chance if I ever see her again. Maybe. Perhaps.

The same holds true if I witness a woman doing it with another leader (cabeceo on the dance floor). If she's doing it with/to him, she'll do it with/to me. The point is this. She's not *there* in the dance/tanda with *me*. She's not present. She's there but she's not. Her mind is elsewhere and the quality and character of the dance will no doubt suffer.

On cabeceo for leaders, here's a reply I left for a commenter last month:

ANONYMOUS::
I'm curious how you managed to ask people to dance at Fandango. Heard it is huge space filled with lots of people sitting around all over the place. You can't do it via eye contact. Any tips?

ALEX.TANGO.FUEGO::
Night vision binoculars and morse code with a flashlight.

Another idea is a t-shirt emblazoned front and back "For a good tanda, call 555-1212".

It is next to impossible to cabaceo from one side of the ballroom to the other. I typically sit over on the right with my back to the wall (it's a Texas thing). I scope followers out on the dance floor as best I can, and then make note of where they are sitting. I have a little map and number the tables, then I use a numerical ranking system 6 through 10. 1 through 5 are not even on my radar. I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

I do try to make mental note of where different followers are sitting, and then try to intercept her (at her table) during the cortina. I'm kinda weird about this - it doesn't seem proper to approach her right on the edge of the dance floor, or even after she has just sat down. I try to give her a minute, or at least a few seconds, but often lose out to other leads who are more aggressive in their invitations. Oh well. You snooze you lose.

Some of the better followers never leave the dance floor, because they/their leads don't follow the codigo/tradition of clearing the dance floor during the cortina. If they do end a tanda with a leader, they will likely get intercepted on the dance floor by another overzealous lead. To me, it's all about being/playing fair and sharing the best followers. Not 'hogging' them tanda after tanda in other words.

So, in my cruising the back row (along the wall where the exit doors are), to scope things out on the other side of the room, I make a lot of eye contact, stop and chat, say hi, use the 'water cooler move', or just generally lurk/loiter/wander aimlessly (but don't "stalk") any technique like that - to lay the ground work for future invites. You might call it guerrilla cabeceo or search and destroy - not a good word - let's say 'recon' missions.

Very often these shenanigans on my part end up in an invite along the way and I'll end up on the dance floor, without ever really making it back to my table much.

But, cabeceo while sitting is next to impossible, except for the people in your immediate vicinity. I'm also at a disadvantage (as many are), in that I'm behind most of the followers (with my back to the wall ya know?). I once made the mistake of tapping a woman on the shoulder from behind to ask her to dance - she was sitting in the singles/followers row of seats facing the dance floor - let's just say it was not a good idea.

So, there's a lot of verbal inviting, but it's based on preliminary 'recon' cabeceo while walking around.

Also, I'll try to strike up conversations with women out in the lobby - looking at shoes or clothes or whatever - just to break the ice. Then it's easier to say "Let's dance later - I'll look for you..." or something like that.

It's also easier if you are taking the classes, then you will 'know' or at least recognize women you may have danced with in class.

Lastly, I know more Texas followers this time around, so the ice has already been broken with many more women, making it a given that I will invite them to dance.

The most important tip I can offer is not to ask a woman to dance unless you've seen her dance. It's not always possible, but I try to stick to this as much as I can.

Hope this helps.

No women asked me to dance at the event where the announcement was made...a very good sign...

Codigos :: Not to beat a dead horse, but...

Did you ever notice when someone says "I don't want to beat a dead horse..." they fully intend to "beat a dead horse"? Like I am about to. Isn't that just a strange colloquialism?

Anyway, this comes on the heels of my post "An argument for longer cortinas...", to which, you will find, I issued a complete retraction in the comments section. I would call it a "throwing gas on the fire" post.

The thread that prompted my post on Tango-L continues. It started out as a discussion about gender imbalance, and leaders who stay on the floor for multiple tandas when there are more followers than leaders at a milonga.

I wanted to post Stephen Brown's very lucid comments about codigos. Stephen is from Dallas and is the guy behind the fantastic website www.TejasTango.com.

I didn't want to post this for debate or commentary really, but feel free to comment. I wanted to post it "for the record" if any beginners, or other interested parties happen across this post. There is some good info here.

Here are Stephen's comments in the thread, with some mixing of gender imbalance discussion and codigos:

I hope it's not too confusing to follow.


Wednesday, April 23

Astrid wrote:
>the gender balance in Tokyo is about 50:50, or rather samll shortness of
>women, while in tango there are about 3 women for every man. The two have

>nothing to do with each other.

I would think that at least three factors could affect the gender balance
for tango in a city.

1) The cultural attitudes toward women and men participating in such
activities;
2) How the teachers filter the population to create the tango community;
3) The gender balance for *single* men and women in the city.

I'll expand on the third point a little:
In most U.S. cities, the vast majority of tango dancers are single.
Estimate I've seen place the number of single people dancing tango in most
U.S. cities around 75-80%. If most adults in a city are married, the
gender balance for single adults may be quite a bit different than for the
population as a whole.

If the pool from which tango dancers are drawn is not gender balanced, it
would seem as though the lack of gender balance should affect
participation to at least some degree. Arguing otherwise would require
claiming that the cultural attitudes and/or filtering are so strong that
they completely dominate any potential gender imbalance.

With best regards,
Steve

Tuesday April 22

Chris, UK wrote:
>Actually those teaching tango have first an obligation simply not to
>sabotage the natural tendencies of intersocial behaviour from which the
>codes arise. A bit more consideration of that can save loads of time
spent
>issuing milonga etiquette directives... with the added advantage of
>actually working.

I agree. Bad teaching can contribute to poor floorcraft and an inability
to observe the codes. Tom Stermitz once commented that many people have
walked into the first tango lesson completely able to navigate through
crowded dance floor. After their first lesson they couldn't.

Let's try to get to a few details that might facilitate a natural
understanding of the codes:
Beginners should be taught the line of dance.
Beginners should be taught that tango has pauses.
Beginners shouldn't be taught rote figures.

How will beginners learn about tandas and cortinas? about the cabeceo?

What if you organize a milonga and a number of people who show up dance
performance-style tango, not social tango, and virtually none of these
people observe the ronda or other aspects of the codes?

By the way, I should mention that a milonga that I deejay for regularly is
quite devoid of problems that might arise from people failing to observe
the codes. Most of the dancers are experienced, and the facility has many
of the physical characteristics that Tom Stermitz described as
facilitating success. Sometimes early the evening, the density is a bit
low, which encourages just a bit of random navigation.

With best regards,
Steve

Tuesday, April 22 [Another Post]

Previously I wrote:
"I don't think it makes much sense for an organizer or a group of
community
leaders to impose a set of rules on those attending milongas. People go
to milongas to have fun dancing tango, not to have a bunch of rules
imposed on them,..."

I recognize that in Buenos Aires, the organizers don't make the codes of
behavior for milongas. The codigos were established a long time ago,
those codigos help create a smooth running milonga where everyone can
enjoy dancing. The failure to observe these codes typically comes from
ignorance or a lack of caring. As someone who participates in the
organization of milongas and deejays on a regular basis, I understand the
desire to help people understand the codes and ensure that milongas are
run as smoothly as possible.

Those teaching tango have an obligation to teach the codes as way to help
their students participate successfully in milongas. Community FAQs and
etiquette lists also may be helpful. What I don't think will work very
well is a milonga organizer distributing *and* enforcing a formal set of
rules.

With best regards,
Steve


Tuesday, April 22 [Tom Stermitz' comments on Stephen's post above...]

You can set up the milonga to discourage good behavior, or to enable a
better chance of success:

(1) Enough tables and chairs for everyone to have a seat
(2) Tables around the dance floor, with aisles BEHIND the seating
(3) Rectangular dance floor, small enough to focus the energy.
(4) Good sight-lines between the tables.
(5) Aisles to the floor so you don't have traffic jams.
(6) DJs that know how to build excitement and social interaction

The whole point is to create a good flow and navigation on the dance
floor, keep walkers OFF the floor, and make it easy to reclaim your
seat in between tandas.

Good navigation and floorcraft require a certain density of dancers.
If you have too much space, the leaders don't get used to dealing with
traffic. More than two or three steps of clearance between the
couples, and navigation gets very random.

A practice would be set up differently. For example, you may need
large open expanses of floor so people can try their moves without
endangering the navigation and social feel.



On Apr 22, 2008, at 12:28 PM, Stephen.P.Brown@dal.frb.org wrote:

> Those teaching tango have an obligation to teach the codes as way to
> help
> their students participate successfully in milongas. Community FAQs
> and
> etiquette lists also may be helpful. What I don't think will work
> very
> well is a milonga organizer distributing *and* enforcing a formal
> set of
> rules.
>
> With best regards,
> Steve


Monday, April 21

Many years ago, rumor had it that a milonga organizer in a major North
American city would run out onto the floor and give people tickets for
breaches of tango etiquette. People ridiculed her for the behavior. I
would have found such behavior funny (both humorous and odd).

I don't think it makes much sense for an organizer or a group of community
leaders to impose a set of rules on those attending milongas. People go
to milongas to have fun dancing tango, not to have a bunch of rules
imposed on them, and that includes a forced rotation of partners. Various
communities have drafted social etiquette rules which are intended to be
informative rather than requirements. For some examples, see
http://www.portlandtango.com/faq.html
http://www.tangovita.com/page.php?page=14
http://www.tangomuse.com/TangoManners.html
http://www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html
http://www.tejastango.com/faq_dallas_tango.html

Of course, severe breeches of what is considered acceptable social
etiquette may require intervention on an individual basis.

I don't think it serves the milonga well for the dj to force everyone off
the floor with a second cortina or a lengthy cortina. The cortina should
be long enough to allow the floor to clear--not to force it cleared.
Dancers know what the cortina means. If they want to stay on the dance
floor that is their choice. (If one of them is being coerced to stay on
the floor that is another issue.)

Some ideas that I've seen work at milongas (that had the right spaces) to
promote more positive social interaction (not force rotation).

1) A milonga has a break zone--an area where people could sit or stand
and talk without being asked to dance.

2) A milonga has two dance floors--one for practicing and one for dancing
the ronda.

3) A milonga has three seating zones: single males, single females,
couples. Couples who want to interact as singles may sit with their own
gender in the singles area. The cabeceo is used as a matter of social
etiquette--not rules. Anyone is always free to reject invitations that
have not been properly offered.

With best regards,
Steve

An argument for longer cortinas...

Carol Shepard on Tango-L mentioned something that I think is a good idea.

The thread started out about surplus followers and/or leaders. There is also discussion about couples who stay on the dance floor, through the cortina, for multiple tandas. Whether it is leaders "hogging" followers, or followers being too timid (to end a dance), or simply that the two dancers are really, really, really enjoying each other, it does present some problems.

In Atlanta - I was pretty good about adhering to my rule for the festival - one follower - one tanda. I say "pretty good" - actually I would say it was "pretty half assed" now that I think about it. I think there was one occassion when I wanted another tanda, but at least I had the courtesy to move to the edge of the floor - off the floor - and wait for the cortina to be over.

There have been times that I have missed dancing all together with a particular follower because she was retained/detained/restrained/constrained on the floor between tandas - she was never "available" to be invited. At least not when I was looking.

There is also the common courtesy of sharing. As much as I would like to dance the entire festival with half a dozen followers - I'll call it my festival sweet spot - I resist the temptation. It is a difficult temptation to resist. I am your typical "findsomethinggoodandstickwithit" kinda guy. So, I force myself not to ask women for repetitive tandas - at least on the same night. Is this stupid? As I write this it sounds stupid...

Anyway, you can check out all the debate for yourself on Tango-L.

Carol's idea was longer cortinas. She suggested up to two minutes long. This would, in theory, discourage couples from hanging out on the dance floor and "force" them to mix it up with other dancers. In other words, make it glaringly uncomfortable for them to stay out there for that long.

I have a few 45 second cortinas in my bag of DJ tricks. But I only rarely played them. I have some minute ones...a minute thirty...but I never thought to play them. I thought they would be way too long. I have always tried to stay in the 30-40 second range.

I may need to re-think that. That is, if I ever find another place to DJ, or get an invitation to guest DJ somewhere.

Revisiting Tina Tangos on :: How to Sit at a Milonga

I always thought this was a good one...and very valuable/necessary/proper... written by Tina on her "siguiendo mi corazón :: tango, love, buenos aires" blog

Here is the "How to Sit at a Milonga" article...