The Moon, by Andrew McCarthy

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl_-kMEvb_S/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link 

@cosmic_background

One hundred thousand souls

via GIPHY

Globular Cluster M53 :: For the Directionally Challenged

Thanks go to Stephen for the find. This clarifies something I've been wondering about since 1968 - "Where would you end up in space if you take off in a spaceship from the north pole and go straight "up" out into space?"

I feel much better now, knowing how I'm oriented within the Milky Way Galaxy.

Islands at Risk - Genetic Engineering in Hawai'i :: Monsanto Playing God?

Photo by Peter Adams on Flickr...


I would offer that it's not just Hawai'i that's at risk...it's the entire planet, and us along with it.

"We cannot ignore the moral and ethical ramifications of combining species at the molecular level..."

"...(genetic engineering is) crossing sacred barriers...it seems unholy...."

Bio-piracy: Multinational corporations (Monsanto, Dow, Dupont, Syngenta) bought up virtually all seed companies in the 1990's, and with the assistance of the Federal and State governments, and aligning Public Universities to help with additional research (some might say "converting them into their own private laboratories), and conducting genetic engineering research, that is eventually patented and thereby becomes private (corporate) property owned by a few individuals.

"...the end of bio-diversity?..."

"...the vast majority of industrialized nations have banned GMO's (genetically modified organisms) completely...the small papaya farming industry in Hawai'i is dying because Japan, their major market, does not allow the import of GMO's...but not the United States...we are leading the research and development of GMO's..."

Hawaii has more experimental field trials of genetic engineering than any other state in the nation. Just a few of the many examples of permits granted for field trials include:

Corn engineered with human genes (Dow)
Sugarcane engineered with human genes (Hawai‘i Agriculture Research Center)
Corn engineered with jellyfish genes (Stanford University)
Tobacco engineered with lettuce genes (University of Hawai‘i)
Rice engineered with human genes (Applied Phytologics)
Corn engineered with hepatitis virus genes (Prodigene)


I have a bad feeling about all this.


Part 1


Part 2


Part 3


Related Info:

The Global Spread of GMO Crops
Inherit the Wind
By PETER MONTAGUE

EarthJustice.Org

Hawaii Seed :: GMO Info

Union of Concerned Scientists :: Food & Agriculture

NPR's "On Being" :: Joanna Macy "A Wild Love for the World"

Joanna Macy - The Great Turning: The Great Turning is a name for the essential adventure of our time: the shift from the industrial growth society to a life-sustaining civilization.

Here is an interesting graphic showing ex-Monsanto employees who are now employed by WeThePeople in positions that in theory they can guide Federal policy to the benefit of Monsanto - or worse - basically corporate spies reporting back to Monsanto. Note that Flickr is blocking me from sharing the image...basically lobbying from within...

Our system is broken...

Sand Cornice

Earlier today I went out to Monahans Sandhills State Park for a quickie look-see. Here's what I saw.



And some video to go along with...



My ears and my asscrack were filled up with 98% pure, 40,000 year old quartz sand.

But it was worth it.

Nature. Beauty. Gratitude. A Good Day.

Best wishes to you and yours...love and light...Alex

Thanks. Giving.

This photo always makes me think of this time of year for some reason. It's on the wall above my desk.

There is so much to be thankful for. Thankful is not enough. Gratitude. Abundance. Abundant. Gratitude.

I can't help but think that we've somehow gotten it all wrong. Being thankful is good yes. But is abundance and the horn of plenty in life something to be celebrated - when so many are having such a difficult time on this planet?

I can't help but keep thinking the holiday might be rendered more meaningful as a holiday to fast...not feast. A holiday to give to those who are hungry right now. Those who can't afford a luxurious turkey dinner with all the trimmings.

I can't help but wonder. Is this guilt that I'm feeling as a side-dish with my gratitude in this life? Or is the the salty sting of shame? Next year I may choose to go without - and volunteer at a homeless shelter.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Tolype velleda

Here's a moth I shot just outside the back door the other day - a better/larger photo than my previous email upload. Sweetpiehoneybunch ID'd it - thanks, hon. Here's the link: http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org/species/Tolype-velleda

We're kinda like Euell Gibbons and Rachel Carson. Or maybe more like Edward Abbey and Phoebe Snetsinger - always finding all kinds of nature to be curious about here on El Rancho.

It's like a Garden of Eden.

Two Dreams

A couple of weeks ago, a couple of tango friends on Facebook were lamenting the cancellation of the fireworks to celebrate July 4th here in Austin this year. Actually, fireworks have been banned throughout the Texas Hill Country because of the extreme drought. Zero tolerance.

I commented something lame like "Let's use the funds that would have been spent on fireworks to build rainwater collection systems..." A noble thought, perhaps. I thought I was being creative to tie the cancellation of the fireworks due to drought back to the drought itself.

What I really wanted to say is this. "Wouldn't it be amazing if we could gather en masse, without the need for fireworks, and celebrate and honor and ponder and discuss the true meaning of the Independence Day. Not just way back in the good 'ol days - the meaning of the Declaration of Independence - not just that auspicious July 4th back in 1776. But the words themselves. The meaning behind the words. The intent. The vision. Take that and transport it forward to today and what does it mean now? Examine it. Feel it. Inhabit it."

Imagine a true celebration and honoring of a concept. A concept applicable to all of humanity through all time. "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." A celebration and honoring with families and friends and strangers talking about what it meant and what it means. No fireworks, no apple pie, no homemade ice cream, no BBQ, no American flag. Okay, maybe that's a stretch. That would be like celebrating Christmas by going to church and serving soup at the homeless shelter y nada mas. Perhaps. Maybe. Probably not. But it's the thought that counts, right? We Americans would never give up the pleasure centers, the purely hedonistic, the capitalistic aspects of a holiday - to reflect deeply and inwardly about the true meaning of a concept such as this.

We like to have fun. And that's okay. That's a good thing. Have fun and shoot off some fireworks. Celebrate. It's just a little bit sad that we all don't think a little more about what's behind it all. Like we've lost or maybe even willingly given up on all the stuff that's behind it.

So then this past week I've also been pondering The American Dream. I got an email from MoveOn.org about a "house meeting" in a couple of weeks, which I do plan to attend. Actually lots of house meetings across the country - to meet with like-minded folks and talk about Van Jones' "Rebuild The Dream" "American Dream Movement". As best I can tell, it's mostly about correcting income inequality and strengthening the middle class. It reminded me about my pretty much inactive and languishing cuz I never did anything with it Facebook Group called "The New American Dream". Which I created after reading a Vanity Fair article on the subject - I've posted about that before in here. But that's not what this post is about.

Anyway, so I go to NPR this past Sunday to check out the latest show at Krista Tippet's "On Being". It's titled "The Inward Work of Democracy" - an interview with philosopher Jacob Needleman, author of "The American Soul".

I'm started listening (and have yet to finish listening) and got to clicking around and came across his essay "Two Dreams of America", which is part of The Fetzer Institute's project, begun in 1999, called "Deepening the American Dream". You might recall The Fetzer Institute's "Charter for Compassion".

So, get to the point Alex...I find it interesting that a person can open their heart and mind, have a little tiny epiphany about something, ponder it for a few days, and then be led directly to it by happenstance.

I could go on an on about the essay, but I'm running out of time. Gotta go water the bamboo and catch the latest installment of True Blood. I'll leave it to you guys to dive in a read.

Perfect for some introspection on the subject of freedom and democracy on July 4th.

An absolutely perfect way to celebrate and honor this, and every, Independence Day.



Two Dreams of America | Essays on Deepening the American Dream | Jacob Needleman

Plains Milky Way

It's a high-res video so it takes a bit to load - at least it does out here in the infrastructure impoverished hill country. It's a high-res video of a really cool time-lapse photography project.

But it's worth it. (The load-wait.)

It'll make a grown man feel like nothing.

Nothing-ness.

Well, like a speck of dust maybe. Perhaps.

Cosmic dust.

A infinitesimal speck of uncreative cosmic dust on my camera sitting on a dusty shelf in a dusty office.

Plains Milky Way from Randy Halverson on Vimeo.

Here Comes The Sun

When Earthly vexations vex, something like this comes along to put me in my place and give me new perspective.

Up in Buffalo, New York, Alan Friedman makes greeting cards by day, and is an amateur astronomer and astrophotographer by night.

Greeting card maker, amateur astronomer and astrophotographer.

Seems to me to be a gross understatement, when one man, of the seven plus billion on the face of the planet, can bring us images such as these to gaze upon and ponder in wonderment.

Note that you can buy blank cards with some of his amazing images on them.


Have a beautiful, sunny day my friends.
























http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun

The Awful Truth or The Beautiful Truth?

This is most definitely one of my "non-tango" posts, so please, by all means, feel free to click on past.

I'm sitting here in the early morning dark, reading the "news" as I often do.

Reading and pondering.

For many years now, actually decades, I've wondered about a society's (our society, Western society, or perhaps more accurately, Western civilization) ability to manifest continued/sustained economic growth, resulting in an ever-increasing standard of living, in concert with an ever-increasing level of population.

The population math is simple. 5th grade level. Or it should be. The most recent Crude Birth Rate data for the U.S. available is for 2007. Birth rate of 14.2. Death rate of 8.3. That makes the net increase 5.9. The rates are "per thousand" and the U.S. population is just over 300,000,000. That's three hundred million for the decimally challenged.

The knee-jerk result is pretty much a net increase of 5,000 heartbeats per day. Let me re-phrase. 5,000 new hearts beating per day.

The quick-and-dirty analysis/conclusion I'm about to make is simplistic - that this 5,000 new beating hearts will advance like a wave through the years, eventually turning 18, and wanting/needing a job. Actually, of the 6,128.92 folks who will die today, not all of them had jobs - many are retired and/or permanently unemployed. So that advancing (daily) wave of munchkins/rugrats/young'uns is closer to the daily birthrate figure of 11,671.23. Per day.

The real figure is probably somewhere around 8,000 or 10,000. Ten thousand teenagers turning eighteen today, needing a job this summer, or going off to college next fall, enlisting in their favored branch of the U.S. Military/Industrial/PetroChemical Complex, joining the Peace Corps or a commune, or just being lazy/un-motivated and deciding to live with Mom and Dad for a few more years until they figure it out, or lightning strikes.

10,000 doing their thing to increase their standard of living. Following the formula of The American Dream.

Let's say half of those actually need to be put to work, the other half are doing college or one of the other options.

So that's 5,000/day. Every day. New jobs. New jobs, that as a society, that we need to "create", out of thin air, that didn't exist yesterday. New paper delivery boys/girls, new lawn mower men/women, new babysitters, new burger flippers, new WalMart stockers, new positions, new businesses, new widgets and gadgets and chochkees and whatchamacallits to be invented and manufactured and offered up for sale and/or to separate us from our money, new whatever. New shit to buy with absolutely no redeeming social value. Can't have new jobs for new people without someone somewhere buying some useless shit they are assembling or making or packaging or selling or otherwise offering up to masses. Oh, I forgot, all those types of jobs have been long out-sourced overseas or across the Rio Grande.

Or else they go to the unemployment and/or welfare rolls. Can an eighteen year old kid get unemployment if they've never been employed before? I think not. So the unemployment figures are skewed from the get-go.

They are saying, "they" being the BLS, the Bureau of Labor Statistics, that as of Jan 2011, there are 15,000,000 people unemployed, and only 6,643,000 of those actually "want" jobs.

As I understand it, the self-employed, the under-employed, and those who have given up and are no longer seeking employment are not in those figures. I would say the real figure is closer to 20 or 25 or 30 million. I would offer the great big sucking noise of our economy as evidence.

Not as many worker-bees in the economy, not as much cash in the economy. Or, more accurately, not as much credit in the economy. We weren't living in a cash-based economy, we've been living in a credit-based-live-beyond-your-means-on-borrowed-money economy. Y'all know what I think on that subject.

5,000 new jobs per day.

150,000 new jobs per month.

1,825,000 new jobs per year.

Just to account for population growth.

So, get on with the ponderage Alex. Or is it ponderments? Ponderifications?

I'm sitting here, reading this article, and wondering if a society/civilization/economy can reach a tipping point, a critical mass, where simply no more new jobs can be created. No more new inventions, widgets, trinkets, treasure, fashions can be thought up to separate the masses from their greenbacks. No new services, no new entertainment, no new sports, no new holidays - a critical mass of we've done all we can do to grow the economy, to create new jobs.

We've done it all. Or have we? Is it all/ways about growth and ever higher and higher standards of living? How much more comfortable and luxurious can we human beings "need" to get? Human doings. Maybe we need to do less and be more.

I've gotten to the point that I laugh (okay, maybe not laugh out loud, but at least crack a grin) when I hear the politicians, even our savior Mr. Obama, talk of "creating" jobs and new industry to compete in the world market. I don't discriminate - Blue, Red, tannic acid tea color, even Green - most either don't get it, or won't admit it if they do. When they talk of "growth" and "jobs". Will we have grown "enough" when there is a Rite-Aid or Walgreens Pharmacy or Starbucks on every single corner of every single neighborhood in the land? Is this truly our goal as a society? Is this what is most important to us?

The tipping point is upon us. It is here. We just refuse to see it. We refuse to believe that it could be true - that we've actually been on the wrong path for a long, long time. We're too busy. We've got too much to do. We've got the economic growth engine to be attended to, to be tuned and re-tuned and tweaked and souped-up. The problem is, the problems are, too big to solve. We can't agree on the solutions due to political and philosophical discord. We can't even agree to disagree, we just bitch and moan and disagree all the time while the ship is on fire and sinking. It's just no use even trying.

If this is the case, then it is an awful truth. But I refuse to believe it. The beautiful truth to me is that we can come together, acknowledge the problems that face us like adults, discuss the solutions intelligently and rationally and with civility and compassion and respect and honor.

As I see it, we should be honoring our children, and their children, and many generations into the future, our neighbors, and the planet, and every living creature and ecosystem upon it.

That is the beauty of it. We have before us a beautiful opportunity. An opportunity to change the world for the better for many, many generations to come. To change the way we perceive and approach things with an emphasis on sustainability. Not an emphasis. Sustainability is the way. The only way. Our demise is at the end of this continued path of unsustainable life.

To me, the ultimate form of life, the ultimate standard of living, the highest we can achieve as homo sapiens sapiens, is the sustainable one that honors the planet and future generations.

Even if it means having less in the material sense, making the same amount of money year after year until the day I die, and having more, much more in the life/spiritual/musical/dance/experiential/relationships sense. Family. Friends. Knowing.

Growth yes. But not material/economic growth. Spiritual and intellectual and sentient growth. Growth of mindfulness and awareness. Truth. Beautiful Truth.

Beautiful Truth.

A Facebook friend of mine says we don't have it in us.

I hope he's wrong.

Auld Lang Syne

I'm a wee bit premature with this, but I'll be very busy for the next couple of days. I wanted to share it, and also offer the kind and humble message of new hope in this new year. New beginnings, new friendships, strengthening and deepening of all our relationships, continuing in the quest for enlightenment, compassion, understanding, love and light, hope. This is my wish for myself, my loved ones, and for all.

Happy New Year to you and yours. It will be a good one.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne

You can buy it here.


Lyrics:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne* ?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !
and surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pu’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

I sometimes feel like an alien creature for which there is no Earthly explanation

Some poignant words/thoughts from Woody Harrelson on the current state of humanity, which happens to be my favorite subject these days...

To paraphrase with a cliché: "If we're not part of the solution, we're part of the problem."

E pluribus unum

Out of many, one. This Latin phrase is the unofficial motto of The United States of America. Originally it was based on the thirteen colonies becoming one country. Now it seems to mean the many peoples of the U.S., of the entire world really, all coming together as one. The melting pot theory. "Can't we all just get along?" kinda thing.

This post stems from a recurring memory over the past several months - perhaps even a year. A recurring memory of something forgotten. Someone forgotten. Not so much a memory but a nagging "the damn thing keeps popping into my head and I keep trying to remember but to no avail" kinda thing. All the while, it was right here buried in the archives of this blog - posted almost two years ago in June of 2008.

Yesterday, I Googled for almost an hour - "photographer who illustrates large quantities" ... "photographs that conceptualize large values" ... and many variations ... illustrative ... photograph/s/er/y ... "how much in a millon/billion/trillion?".

I was beginning to get frustrated, drawing upon nothing, not getting big numbers, not getting any meaningful returns in my searches. I almost gave up. (I wish I could remember the successful search string, but I can't now.)

I found the post from before a few minutes ago - on whim entering his name to search my blog. And there it was. Chris Jordan.

Chris Jordan. A UT [University of Texas] alum - UT, right here in Austin. Small world.

So Chris is an activist artist. Or activist photographer. Or activist/artist/photographer. He lets the image tell the story. He lets the viewer begin to get their head around the numbers that his images represent. The numbers they represent, and the world issue that they represent.

In this case, his 2009 work titled "E Pluribus Unum" is a five story high (I would say 4 stories) 45 foot x 45 foot mandala. That's 13.7 meters x 13.7 meters. The lines of the mandala are actually the names of 1,000,000 [one million] "organizations around the world that are devoted to peace, environmental stewardship, social justice, and the preservation of diverse and indigenous culture". In 10 point font.

If you were able to cut out all the names and lay them end to end, they would stretch 27 miles, or 142,560 feet or 43km. In 10 point font.

Lots of organizations - the total number is unknown. Jordan's work is based on Paul Hawken's estimation [in his book "Blessed Unrest" on the "movement movement"] that there are between one million and two million such organizations. Paul Hawken is named as a collaborator on the piece.

Chris Jordan is prolific. The TED talk I posted two years ago in 2008 was titled "Picturing Excess", and is based, I think, on his project "Running the Numbers :: An American Self-Portrait".

He came out with "Running the Numbers II :: Portraits of Global Mass Culture" in 2009. He has one from 2005 on Hurricane Katrina's aftermath titled "In Katrina's Wake :: Portraits of Loss from an Unnatural Disaster". And "Intolerable Beauty :: Portraits of American Mass Consumption 2003-2005".

They are all on his website at www.chrisjordan.com. I would have given the individual links to each work, but his website is not set up that way. You'll have to go clicking and reading and viewing on your own.

The post I did before was on his TED Talk - the "Picturing Excess" one. I included this quote which I lifted from the lecture:

"I have this fear that we aren't feeling enough in our culture today . There is this kind of anesthesia in America at the moment. We've lost our sense of outrage, our anger, and our grief about what is going on in our culture right now, what is going on in our country, the atrocities that are going on in our names around the world....they've gone missing, these feelings have gone missing..." [Chris Jordan]

Here it is - from February of 2008:






Be sure to check out his website and look at the all of the "Running the Numbers" works.

Here is the E Pluribus Unum work:


























E pluribus unum. We are many, but we are one. Many peoples. Many nations. Many beliefs. Many forms of governance. We are one with the earth, and we have only one earth.

Until we start acting like it, acting like we have to take care of this planet we all live on - until we do that - we're in trouble. Once we do that, well, that's when the hard work begins.

Have a great Sunday y'all.

Sometimes I see things

Walking around on the land a few minutes ago...checking out the new bamboo growth...I saw this...

gotitas de agua en una tela de araña...


[Foto by Alex.Tango.Fuego]

The Year of Pegasus

Photo by manganite on flickr

I have been contemplating a Merry Christmas and now a New Year's post for a few weeks now. I missed Christmas - I made a video of the dog in sleigh bells, but had soundtrack/editing issues. Oh well. Having missed that one, I was determined not to miss the new year/new decade post, but I've been drawing blanks for a topic.

It seems that I have been drawing blanks all year with regard to this blog. I have a wire basket in my office overflowing with scraps of paper and Post-It notes with thoughts and ideas written on them. I have a couple of those brown kraft paper notebooks that Moleskine makes - full of jots and scribbles. I can't even find them - that office is a mess. Found them...

...China master-disciple relationship...Asset underutilized corporate-speak...Manual labor hard work...Tanda music wrong woman timing...Sentient being planet sustainably support 2 billon not 6b surely not 9b...10/22 people who are uncomfortable with close embrace deserve to have tango in their lives too...Dog name Bexar (for a friend...pronounced Bear in these parts...for a tiny shitzoo...then I told her she should name him Genghis Khan, in keeping with his Chinese heritage...). ..Hotel California in Georgia story...Climb On products...Chris Belknap design earth synergy...Parallels between architecture & tango...Going through life going through the motions would rather be bothered not blind after all the true meaning of life is nothing/ness...Book Too Big to Fail nature of capitalism maximize profits hurt the system hurt society hurt the individual...Exploiting other people's weaknesses...NPR feudal system in Pakistan no stigma re: corruption evolution of corruption in Afghanistan....China in 1 year 7000 miles of high speed rail US only 700 Chinese gov't able to form policy and quickly effect it...Hippie deluxe...

So it's not so much that I'm drawing a blank for posts. But blank on what to actually take the time to post. Blank 'cuz I've been busy. Blank 'cuz I have other and higher priorities. Blank 'cuz I'm in love. Feeling overwhelmed. Feelings of missing tango and tango friends. Festivals passing me by. Struggling with that. Trying to get my head around that. I suppose it's a good thing to feel overwhelmed. I was feeling severely underwhelmed that last year in Aspen - the first year of this blog.

Blank because of my perceived negativity in my posts? She says I sometimes come across as preaching and/or pontificating. I have recognized for some time that I bitch and moan and rant a lot. This was actually by design to some degree. I wanted to always "speak my mind" in this blog. Stuff bothers me. Stuff pisses me off. But I also see the beauty in it all every day. I tear up when the sandhill cranes honk and wheel in flight overhead. I think we are pretty much fucking things up. But I am hopeful. I think we are pretty much oblivious to our impacts and effects on the world around us, to ourselves, the society of man and to our children and their children. But I remain hopeful. I am trying to be more active and do something about it. But I have yet to make it to my first county commissioner's meeting. I have written to my reps in Congress. They reply. I am working on doing some sustainable, low-key, low-impact development. We shall see. I feel pretty certain that this is a "great correction", lasting two or three more decades, and not "recovering" in two or three years. But I am hopeful. Because I believe that a sustainable, cash based world economy is good for humankind. Hopeful ranting. Joyful preaching. Happy pontificating. I do often rant with a smile on my face.

Resolutions. I thought about that as a topic, but it's so trite and hackneyed. Part of the overwhelm-ed-ness is being more disorganized than I ever have. That comes from having my house of cards blown into the wind back in Aspen. The cards are now all settled here. I just need to pull them all together and tuck them away in their box. Need to lose a few pounds. Eat better. Cure the addiction to sugar. More exercise. More photography. More writing. More tango. Hackneyed. The year behind. The year ahead. Goals and aspirations. Overdone.

It struck me this morning that this one is also the end of the first decade of the new millennium. It seems like only yesterday that it was Y2k, the year 2000. An entire decade flashes before your eyes. Wow. What a ride. SweetiePieHoneyBunch and I were sitting in bed this morning, watching the sunrise, drinking coffee (Bailey's for her, mocha for me), talking about what I could write about. She's my muse, as women are in men's lives. She doesn't realize it. I don't think I realized it until I just now wrote it.

I'll tell a little story. It was our second date. I was living at my brother's place having just moved back from Georgia - he was off in Florida on business. Bacon wrapped shrimp were sizzling and smelling delicious on the grill, and I was running around trying to get dinner cooked for her - for us. She had just come from a gig and had her guitar in the car. She asked if I would like to hear a song. Of course.
As she tells the story now, she expected that I would just keep on cooking in the kitchen while she sang a song in the living room. I turned down the burners, topped off our pinot noir, and moved a comfy chair in front of the fireplace for me to sit in. I pulled up a chair with no arms for her to sit in - right in front of me.

Apparently the "no arms" made a big impression with her. It was without thought on my part - obviously guitar players sit in chairs with no arms. We sat directly facing each other - I was intently attentive. This was a first for me. A beautiful woman with a beautiful voice playing beautiful music on a beautiful guitar on a beautiful night in front of a beautiful fire. I was compelled to listen, compelled to a heightened level of attention. Every note, every word, every nuance, every little grace about her.

I cried. Hey, it was a beautiful song. I think I won her heart right there. She was touched by my tears. Tears of joy you might say. I do cry at beauty fairly often. Then I started chuckling, then laughing, growing into a full blown guffaw. She was taken aback, thinking I was laughing at her or about her, or something. She didn't know me - remember, it was only our second date. She asked what I was laughing at. I said "I'm just so happy that you're good, and I don't have to fake it." Faking it would have been "oh yeah honey, that was real good, now put that guitar away and let's eat..."

We savored those moments after the song, savoring the wine, savoring each other. I finished cooking, we ate, and ended up falling asleep lying in each other's arms in front of the fire. Not a bad second date.

But I digress.

So, we were sitting in bed this morning talking, as we do every morning. The image of Pegasus had come into my mind earlier. I asked her about Pegasus - she has a song called "Child of the Big Sky" with a strong Pegasus reference, so I figger'd she had done some research. I cry every time she sings that one, too. We google'd it, then wiki'd it, allowing the laptop into the bed for a moment. Somehow Pegasus and his birth of Poseidon and Medusa, somehow this winged horse whose hoofs strike the Earth and make springs well up, somehow this bearer of lightning bolts, somehow this glorious beast/myth/image represents this time for me. This day. This moment. This spot on the earth. The coming year. The coming decade. The coming years of my life. The coming years for all of our lives on this Earth. Hope. Beauty. Struggle. Love. Enlightenment.

Somehow this Pegasus represents what I want to write about. Not Pegasus himself, but the imagery, the mythology, the feeling. Something. Can this Pegasus save us from ourselves? Does he hold the lightning bolt in his quiver that will strike the Earth and wake us up from our materialistic oblivion? Hmm. I dunno.

We got to talking about security or perceived security. The want of people who avoid risk in favor of "security". Security in the form of a 30 year fixed mortgage, a 401k, diversified investments, a white picket fence, a gold watch. Security in the form of the conformism. The Conforming American Dream. Events of the past two years, of the past decade, have made anyone with any sense wonder about wisdom of the Conforming American Dream. The CAD evolved over the past hundred years or so into something unsustainable, unhealthy I believe - environmentally, socially, culturally, emotionally. I won't go there. You get my drift.

We talked about the metaphors of this life - like driving through a National Park and never getting out of the car. I don't know where I'm going with this. I like that about writing extemporaneously - something will be born of the words, of the flow. Something. Hopefully.

We were thinking of a close friend, retiring this year, doing all the right things. Conforming. Good job. Secure financially. Secure in a long marriage. Nice house in a nice suburb. Kids grown and gone and doing well. But at what cost? The cost of lost life experiences? The cost of a love affair on a beach for two weeks in the Cayman Islands? Lost writing or painting or making music? Lost love? Lost self? The cost of other dreams set aside? Not too late for a course correction. Not too late to recoup any losses - perceived or otherwise.

At the end of my first marriage, when I decided to walk away from conformity forever, I felt like I had lost my "self", my soul. Twenty years of doing what I thought was expected of me, doing what I thought was mandatory of me, doing the corporate thing - raises, promotions, increasing responsibilities, bigger house, better car, more and better "stuff". Twenty years of that, when my heart wasn't in it, was too much for a man to bear. I hid my depression by crying in the shower each night, after coming home late from work. It stripped me to my core. Perhaps I had to lose my "self" in order to find myself.

And here it comes, finally it gels. Sweet. This decade for me has been one of "self". I had to find my self. By myself. Find him and know him. Knowing versus knowledge. Knowing him, and loving him. I had to figure out how to love myself before I could find love. Writing this, I can't see through the tears right now, damn them. I had to love myself and find love before I could love this life. A good life. A life with just enough of everything. Enough love, laughter, beauty, kindness, cash, food, water, wood to build a workshop or a warm fire in the woods, whatever. Enough. Not more. Not better. Not increasing responsibility. Not a better title. Not more recognition. Enough. Just enough.

My Facebook profile says something about "I've been pondering self-actualization these days...", from Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Food/Water/Shelter/Self Esteem/Love/Self-Actualization or something along those lines. I am thankful that I am coming into these years of self-actualization, with the other "needs" largely met. For my second half-century on this planet. For the coming decades. Content. Happy. Hopeful. Full of love. Another year older. Another year wiser. My daughter called last night for advice on selecting a wine to go with seafood gumbo. That's a new one for me. I'm a dad, he realizes, 21 years after the fact.

In this coming year and decade, thrive my friends. Flourish. Bring yourself to your fullest potential as a human being, dad, citizen, spouse, friend, lover, son, brother, tango dancer. That's my plan.

Happy New Year.

115 Million Years

What does one hundred fifteen million years mean to you?

On Father's Day :: A letter to my daughter

My first wife and I had used the rhythm method of birth control for many years. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say it's based on knowing the few-to-several days that a woman is ovulating - fertile. So, the method can also be very useful when a couple is trying very hard to get pregnant. In that seventh year of our marriage, it was based on the timing of college graduation and getting a job afterwards.

It was most definitely a planned pregnancy. Frequent attempts during ovulation, morning, noon and night. My work was close by, so I drove home from work each day at lunch to do my duty. After several months of this, I was spent. Our timing window was closing, so we eventually gave up. The month after that, it happened. That's the way of the universe.

We chose the option where it was like a suite in the hospital - the feeling of giving birth at home - except that the actual birth was in the delivery room. Her mom had to stay in recovery for several hours, so after they had cleaned up the little boo (I still call her Boo) and counted her fingers and toes, they brought her to me in our suite. I sat in a rocking chair and held her in my arms, looking down at this little miracle her mom and I had created - plan or no plan. As I recall, I held her in my arms for three or four hours, with nurses coming in to check on us.

The bond between parent and child is a strong one. It's a love that cannot be described, cannot be explained, cannot be analyzed. It's not meant to be. It's meant to just exist. It is the kind where you would throw yourself in front of a speeding, million ton diesel locomotive to push your child to safety. Is the kind where you would give your own heart for a transplant, without a moment's hesitation. To say you would give your life for your child doesn't even touch the surface. If it meant a better life for my child, if it ensured her happiness, I would take in all the pain and suffering in the entire world. I would take it into myself and make it go away. That is the bond. That is the love.

Leaving her mom was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But that is another story. Boo was six when I asked her mom for a divorce. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, looking her mom in the eye, and telling her I didn't love her any more. We had been together seventeen years. My biggest fears were the potential negative outcomes of divorce. That her mom might try to poison my own daughter against me. That she might use this beautiful child as a weapon in our divorce and ensuing years. Fears that her relationships with men in her adult life could be effected. Other fears, mostly unfounded. A few years ago, we talked for the first time about that period - the divorce and her memories. The thing that stuck is that she said she remembered me never being around. That was, and is still, painful for me.

Fast forward to today. Her adult life is here, now. She'll be 21 in October. "Legal". I could say she's a good kid buy I would be lying. She's a great kid, a wonderful daughter. Intelligent, beautiful, sweet, nice, thoughtful, passionate, open-minded, funny, and so-far-so-good, liberal. She's well on her way in this crazy world - which I worry about. What does the future hold for my boo? All I can do at this point is hope for the best and be there for her when she needs me.

We're close physically, finally living in the same city, but I wish we were closer emotionally. I wish she would come to me with her problems and her worries, if there are any. Perhaps, in time, this will come to pass.

Sugarpiehoneybunch and I were at a Midsummer's Eve celebration last night - to celebrate the dawn of the summer solstice with dear friends - old and new. To celebrate the marriage of the earth and the sky. To celebrate love and light and goodness. To pray for abundance and bounty on the earth. To ponder spirit and soul and ego. To think of Stonehenge, the Temple of the Sun, and their perfect alignment with the track of the sun on its zenith. To question it all, to seek to understand it all. For a moment, to wonder at the meaning of this life, on this planet.

I didn't write my fantasy on a piece of paper to be read and burned in the fire as the others did. Fantasy, wish, hope, offering, sacrifice - whatever it was to be - I couldn't come up with anything. As I stared into the firelight, listening to the troubadours play, making music with guitar and flute and cool breeze and sky and fire, it came to me. My wish is for my daughter.

My wish is for my daughter to always be happy. To play and laugh and enjoy good times. To always have a roof over her head and a warm bed to sleep in and dream sweet dreams in. Delicious food, pure water, libation in moderation. To always remain safe and out of harm's way. To be blessed with good health, and the drive to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To listen to her heart. To stay true to her heart. To be blessed with confidence and self-assuredness, but never arrogance or ego. To do what she loves for a livelihood - the money will follow. For all her friendships and relationships to be filled with joy and respect. For the men in her life to care for her as I do. For the loves in her life to always respect and honor and cherish her heart and mind and soul. Absent jealousy and heartache. For her heart to never be broken. Or if it is, for her to grow and learn from it, come out of it with a stronger heart and soul - a stronger woman. Forever, to thine own self be true.

This is my wish on this Father's Day, on this Summer 's Solstice, for my daughter.

I love you boo.

The Momentum of Apathy

Courtesy of the Hubble Space Telescope, shuttle mission launched today to make some repairs for another five years of service from the telescope...

From the Hubble site::

This is a unique NASA Hubble Space Telescope view of the disk galaxy NGC 5866 tilted nearly edge-on to our line-of-sight.

Hubble's sharp vision reveals a crisp dust lane dividing the galaxy into two halves. The image highlights the galaxy's structure: a subtle, reddish bulge surrounding a bright nucleus, a blue disk of stars running parallel to the dust lane, and a transparent outer halo.

Some faint, wispy trails of dust can be seen meandering away from the disk of the galaxy out into the bulge and inner halo of the galaxy. The outer halo is dotted with numerous gravitationally bound clusters of nearly a million stars each, known as globular clusters. Background galaxies that are millions to billions of light-years farther away than NGC 5866 are also seen through the halo.

NGC 5866 is a disk galaxy of type "S0" (pronounced s-zero). Viewed face on, it would look like a smooth, flat disk with little spiral structure. It remains in the spiral category because of the flatness of the main disk of stars as opposed to the more spherically rotund (or ellipsoidal) class of galaxies called "ellipticals." Such S0 galaxies, with disks like spirals and large bulges like ellipticals, are called 'lenticular' galaxies.

The dust lane is slightly warped compared to the disk of starlight. This warp indicates that NGC 5866 may have undergone a gravitational tidal disturbance in the distant past, by a close encounter with another galaxy. This is plausible because it is the largest member of a small cluster known as the NGC 5866 group of galaxies. The starlight disk in NGC 5866 extends well beyond the dust disk. This means that dust and gas still in the galaxy and potentially available to form stars does not stretch nearly as far out in the disk as it did when most of these stars in the disk were formed.

The Hubble image shows that NGC 5866 shares another property with the more gas-rich spiral galaxies. Numerous filaments that reach out perpendicular to the disk punctuate the edges of the dust lane. These are short-lived on an astronomical scale, since clouds of dust and gas will lose energy to collisions among themselves and collapse to a thin, flat disk.

For spiral galaxies, the incidence of these fingers of dust correlates well with indicators of how many stars have been formed recently, as the input of energy from young massive stars moves gas and dust around to create these structures. The thinness of dust lanes in S0s has been discussed in ground-based galaxy atlases, but it took the resolution of Hubble to show that they can have their own smaller fingers and chimneys of dust.

NGC 5866 lies in the Northern constellation Draco, at a distance of 44 million light-years (13.5 Megaparsecs). It has a diameter of roughly 60,000 light-years (18,400 parsecs) only two-thirds the diameter of the Milky Way, although its mass is similar to our galaxy. This Hubble image of NGC 5866 is a combination of blue, green and red observations taken with the Advanced Camera for Surveys in November 2005.

One light year is the distance light travels in one year which is equal to 5.88 trillion miles. So this galaxy, NGC 5866 is 44 million light years away from Earth. Doing the math, I get 2.5872 x 10 to the 20th power miles away. 1 sextillion is 1.00 x 10 to the 21st power. Arg! I shoulda paid better attention in algebra, calculus and physics.

258,720,000,000,000,000,000 miles from Earth, equal to 13.5 megaparsecs, which at least makes it a little easier to say, if comprehension escapes us. My brain literally feels like there are ants crawling around inside it right now. Is it comprehension to cognitate that something is incomprehensible? No. Not even close.

I'm struck with this: We can build a space vehicle to launch this telescope that is capable of taking high resolution photographs of a beautiful galaxy 13.5 megaparsecs away, but we can't figure out how to all get along, and live our lives sustainably, in a manner that respects mother earth and all of the other creatures we share it with.

Can we overcome the momentum of apathy?