Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Graphic Tango (with some "Life" mixed in...)
[Not my photo and I don't know who to credit...sorry...]
Have you ever had a "holyshitwhatthefuckwasthat?" dance? I've had one or two in the three years or so I have been dancing. It wasn't anything sexual or sensual or sexy...but it was based more on the connection and the feeling and the music and the room and the moment - and the woman of course. Kinda like the stars were all aligned perfectly in those moments of the dance. I think most dancers, mostly followers, know this as a "tangasm".
I was just walking to the store to get some cereal for lunch and other singleguybachelorfood and this popped into my head for some reason. Then, right on the heels of that thought, a memory of an orgasm I once had "popped" into my head.
Bear with me, this was not an ordinary orgasm - but an orgasm in the most spiritual sense. Remember my post the other day about the Tango Dream Dance? Well, this orgasm was kinda like that. "A-once-in-a-life-time-I-would-consider-myself-blessed-even-if-it-never-happens-again-and-I-hope-I-will-remember-it-with-my-dying-breath-orgasm."
So, this was several years ago - "pre-tango". She was a California woman that I had been having a long distance relationship with for several months. This was our first time in bed together - naked. Well, she was naked and I was (at this point) shirtless with my jeans still on.
I was basically "partaking" of her...of her body...caressing her smooth skin with my hands...with my body....with my lips. I would travel up her body from the soles of her feet, kissing and caressing my way up her thighs, detouring to her belly, lingering around her navel, then along her rib cage, along the sides of her breasts, to her collar bones, her neck, her jaw, the flat spot on her cheek right in front of her ear and finally to her lips - kissing her deeply. She was a good kisser.
This went on for about twenty or thirty minutes or so - me shirtless with my jeans still on. Then, almost like an involuntary reflex, I straightened up - on my knees, straddling one of her legs - and was now upright. She was still prone on the bed, just laying there looking at me. She was probably wondering when I was going to take my jeans off.
At first it felt like I needed to do a big "kitty cat" stretch - you know - the big ones we all do in the morning. I started to arch backwards a bit, then forward, almost like I was about to have a stomach cramp - but with no pain - my core was contracting. Imagine this pulsing, rolling, contracting and arching feeling - pulsing and rolling upwards and downwards through my torso. I think I was even moaning. It pulsed through me for a good 20 seconds or so - perhaps longer.
There was no doubt in my mind, nor in hers, that I was having a tremendous orgasm. This was a "torso centered", non-genital orgasm - "tantric" if you will. And then I collapsed onto her - exhausted - and then I whispered in her ear... "holyshitwhatthefuckwasthat?" It scared me at first - it scared her. Neither of us had ever experienced or witnessed anything like this. We didn't know what it was, or what to think.
It was non-genital in that nothing happened down there - no "special" feelings - no evidence of a genital orgasm - nothing. It was all contained in my torso - from just below my navel to just above my solar plexus. Orgasmic bliss...without having sex...with one party's jeans still on. Amazing. Yes, it was amazing.
In the hours and days afterwards, we talked about it - and both of us were pretty sure it came from being pent-up, all verbal, and non-physical for so many months that we were at a distance. Pent up for months, and then being released all a once in some kind of tantric orgasmic sensory overload - triggered by skin to skin contact and some deep, passionate kisses.
This orgasm - and this woman - are only memories to me now. And that's okay - I consider myself blessed to have them.