Friday, August 1, 2008

A leader's tango rituals...

MtnHighMama made a post about leaders not emptying their pockets before dancing. I left a comment that this seemed to be common sense to me from day one.

But, I guess we guys are clueless sometimes, so I will be the first to fess up about what I do and don't do when I'm going to dance. Personal hygiene and non-dance related stuff. This is all primarily pre-milonga...but sometimes it applies to classes and practicas, too.



DO ::

Shower before every event...milongas, classes, practicas...shampoo and deodorant soap...

Antiperspirant/deodorant...

Tiny, tiny spray of cologne...I wear Gucci...I know, I know, we are not supposed to wear it, but Gucci is very subtle and I have not gotten any complaints...the key is a tiny amount...I spray it dead center of my throat between my collar bones...none of this aftershave applied with the hands bullshit...I don't want to smell some other dude's aftershave on my hand if we shake hands...and you shouldn't be able to smell it from 15 ft away...this goes for women too...

Brush teeth and floss...I carry Scope mint flavor mouthwash in case I eat something...

Eclipse sugar free mints....the best...

"Turbo" groomer for the nose and ear hair...I'm tall, so I don't want a woman looking up and seeing anything scary...I have like two little blonde hairs in each ear and sometimes they get kinda long...

Trim the eyebrows...

Trim & file my nails...and I've also resorted to using a foot/callus file to smooth out the calluses on the sides of my fingernails...from working with my hands...I want them to feel smooth...and especially my right hand...I don't want to snag my rough skin on her dress or top...especially on her smooth, soft, supple skin...

Close, close shave...I use a four bladed razor and pull my skin tight to ensure that it is smooth, smooth, smooth...always for milongas...not so critical before a class or a practica...I grow a beard like an American Indian, so I can get it pretty smooth...some guys I know just can't "hack" it...pun intended...they get a five o'clock shadow at noon...

Lotion on the hands and elbows, especially if I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt...my elbows can get kinda crusty...gross, I know...

Extra black t-shirt...plus sometimes an extra dress shirt...

On shirts, I've gotten to be sensitive about the collared shirts I wear, as sometimes they can stick out into the woman's face...if it's a problem, I turn the collar inside, usually just on the right side...

Bandana to wipe the sweat...now I'm bringing a hand towel as well...I keep it tucked in my shoe bag and try to be discreet about it...

Empty my pockets...I have a keypad entry on my vehicle, so I typically leave my keys and wallet in the car...

Wine opener and vino tinto...

Condoms...(No, just kidding...I must say I have never carried a condom in my life...)

I always bring my laptop and come prepared to DJ in an emergency...hey, ya never know...

Cash...





DON'T ::

Dont' eat heavily before...or eat pungent foods with lots of garlic or onions or spices...I try to eat foods that I won't be burping up little flavored clouds of breath...I know, gross...

No banana (or anything else) in your pocket...perhaps a bandana, but not a banana...

Don't wear aftershave...spring for some cologne - at least $50 for a bottle - the good stuff...and bring a woman with you to help pick it out...the spray kind...so you don't get it all over your hands...

Don't allow your nose hair/ear hair/eyebrows to be bristling like some alien creature...you young bucks don't have to worry about this yet...about 10 years ago, my daughter (with my ex's help, I'm sure) bought me a Sharper Image Turbo groomer....it was amazing the first time I used it...I could breathe again...

Don't wear glasses....contacts if you can't see without them...

No fucking fedora...your pencil neck might get broken in the process of me ripping it off of your head in the men's room...

Do not drive an RV to a milonga in order to offer on-site "sexual healing" work to followers...apres milonga...(true story....)

Don't make rude or insultory remarks, or bandy about overt sexual innuendo to your followers...be a gentleman in other words...

What else? Let me know if I am missing any Do's or Dont's...



What can I say...I was a Boy Scout...our motto was "Be Prepared..."

3 comments:

Mtnhighmama said...

Alex, this is a WONDERFUL post!

There was a lot I agreed on, but lately I have to tell you that the collared shirt thing is driving me nuts. I like to snuggle in close and having a sharp collar in my face seriously detracts from that kind snuggle!

Johanna said...

You are too cute :-)

studio wellspring said...

who in the heck drives an rv to a milonga? that is just creepy.